Kitchen Sink

First of all, I must mention that I am in mourning over the loss of Magglio's locks. Clad all in black, I sit in disbelief that he didn't think to consult me before making such a foolhardy move. What, he listened to his wife you say? Well, uh, okay--I guess. I still neither understand nor approve of these goings on. Very, very disturbing. It would be like me donning some under-armor. Very unwise, very unflattering to see fat rolls bunched up like so much sausage. I know better than to do such a thing. I wear fabrics that float away from the body.

Anyway, back to baseball. Joel Zumaya needs to be force-fed some truisms from Bull Durham. Don't think, meat, just throw the ball. Don't shake off the signs. Just lean in, get the sign from your catcher and pitch, Nuke! When you're facing Micah Hoffpauir and you've been blowing the ball past batters to the tune of 103-104 MPH, you just stick with what's working, not serve up an 85 MPH grapefruit over the heart of the plate. Maddening, absolutely mind-swirling stuff. Could we get some career minor league catcher to come up and beat some sense into Zoom here? Just askin'.

Brandon Inge is bucking for a full-out apology from me. He hits homeruns, visits sick children in the hospital. What doesn't he do? I stand by my word, however. I will not issue said apology until the end of the 2009 season, and I see how his numbers stand up. I will say that he is having a year, for him, quite a year indeed, thus far. The rest I reserve until such a time as the Tigers play no more in 2009. Let's just say I hope that it's into November before I have to humble myself and apologize to Brandon.

Alan Trammell is photographed peering through the fence at the ruins of Tiger Stadium, which is now reduced to rubble. Oh, the agony. It made my chest tighten just looking at it. It is very hard to say goodbye. We'll survive on memories of the old girl. Please share them with your family and friends to keep her alive.

In my excitement over talking with some Brewer fans at last Friday night's game, I forgot about a significant happening at the park that night. Mark Fidrych's widow and daughter threw out the ceremonial first pitch. The jumbotron featured a video montage with some rather heart-rending music. In a sincerely touching moment, both women bent over and smoothed out the mound, just as Mark once did. Fidrych's daughter was in tears, and Jim Leyland caught the pitch, then proceeded to envelop both women in a sympathetic embrace. Geez, is everyone conspiring to make a girl cry or what?