You'd love to play in Detroit and make us a winner.
Detroit isn't cosmopolitan enough for you and your wife.
You're a fan of Steve Yzerman and you eat octopi.
You and Beelzebub (I mean, respected agent Scott Boras) play us against our division rival the Chicago Black Sox.
You make us feel like our heads are spinning, and they are, because of all your spin.
Just stop it now. Just make your choice. Just pick a freaking city to play for 2010, then go out and play the free agent auction to the highest (and most cosmopolitan) bidder again in 2011. Just shut up and get ready to report to Spring Training. Just...just...stop toying with our emotions, which have been shredded up like so much confetti.