Friday, October 8, 2010

Please Recommend a Barbaric Form of Torture for this Hack

I'm in a bad mood. You know what I feel like doing? Tearing apart some idiot's pathetic writing. You know who that idiot is? Yours truly.

Sometimes it's painful to look back at a poorly written piece. Sure I could just delete it off the site, but let's have a little fun with it instead.

I penned a little ode to Phil Coke a while back. Listen to this swill, if you've got a strong stomach:

"He's a gamer. *snip* He always wants the ball."

Are you serious? Could you be more hackneyed? Let's try to run up a few more stereotypes, shall we? Of course he wants the ball, he's a pitcher, you half wit. A "gamer?" Come on. That term should long have been banished from the book of baseball jargon.

Here's some more unfiltered sewage to flood your basement and pollute your home with fumes so raw a maggot-riddled corpse would rise up and run away screaming:

"He shoulders blame like a regular pack mule. Personal responsibility is like Phil Coke's credo or something. He doesn't look outside himself. It HURTS when he gets hit around. He's not just out there to collect that paycheck."

Pack mule? Not out there to collect that paycheck? I just made myself gag. Is that possible?

I would like to issue a personal mea culpa to the reader, and it won't be some half-baked line of "non-apology" apology drivel either. I would like to shoulder the responsibility like a pack mule. This stuff is just pure garbage. I will be vigilant against it in the future.

2 comments:

Brooklyn Trolley Blogger said...

LOL All is forgiven Mule. But you're being way too hard on yourself. I'm finding bloggers are a lot like the players themselves in our treatment of them. Once we decide we like "it/them" we overlook their faults with gleeful blinders. Bad semantics and prose is one thing. Not being able to put forth an idea is another. Me? I'm not trying to be a good writer. I just want to be a good fan. I went back into early era posts of mine and was flabbergasted with what I read. I want to re-edit everything. But I won't. I like to see where I was and where I am.

OldEnglishD said...

Ha. Thanks. I agree. Sometimes it's hard to look back, but I don't take down a bad post.