Johnny Damon Makes Us All....

Oh, Johnny Damon. You need to just keep your mouth shut until you make a decision on which of the lucrative, although less lucrative than you'd wish, offers on the table you will accept. Comments have been made. Feathers have been ruffled. Fans have alternated between wanting you to make our offense more left-handed and potent, to wanting you to fall into a volcano in Hawaii.

You'd love to play in Detroit and make us a winner.

Detroit isn't cosmopolitan enough for you and your wife.

You're a fan of Steve Yzerman and you eat octopi.

You and Beelzebub (I mean, respected agent Scott Boras) play us against our division rival the Chicago Black Sox.

You make us feel like our heads are spinning, and they are, because of all your spin.

Just stop it now. Just make your choice. Just pick a freaking city to play for 2010, then go out and play the free agent auction to the highest (and most cosmopolitan) bidder again in 2011. Just shut up and get ready to report to Spring Training. Just...just...stop toying with our emotions, which have been shredded up like so much confetti.

Finding a Free Agent

So, Marcus Thames signs a minor league contract with the New York Yankees (boo, hiss). This prompts Buster Olney to point out Thames' "isolated power" as a good fit for Yankee Stadium. He also listed the 15 major leaguers who rank higher than Thames in this category. Number 11 on the list is Russell Branyan, who fellow blogger Rogo of Designate Robertson told me a while back would be one of his picks for the Tigers to sign. Branyan would bring a lefty bat at a much lower price tag than Johnny Damon, eater of octopus, fan of Steve Yzerman (spare me).

Are we too late for Branyan? What have the fish got on Motown? Sunny climes? The ocean? Michigan sees its fair share of the sun in the summer months, and we have the Great Lakes.

Who's your pick among the remaining free agents?