Old English D

Spinning a Royal Yarn

2012-01-26T20:23:00.005-05:00

The Tiger's press conference announcing his highness Prince Fielder awaited me after I finished work. A whole lot of nothing gets said at these things, but it's fun to listen and watch for goofy moments, if you can avoid getting mesmerized by Mike Ilitch's hair/rug/whatever.

Here are a few items of which I took note.

Jim Leyland didn't look like he fancied the dress up duds much. You may say, how incredibly blunt, I wouldn't need to watch the presser to tell you that. He didn't visibly squirm or tug at his tie, but you know, the vibe was there. Jim had to tell us that he believes Miguel will do just fine at third, despite a deficit in athleticism, and he has the proverbial great hands and a stellar arm. I mean, there is some truth there, he played short once upon a time, so he must be able to throw. And of course, we were reminded that the bit lost on defense, is gained and then some on the other side of the ball. Yesindeedbecausedontmakemebringupbrandoningesnumbersdontyoumakemedoit.

Scott Boras is still a mighty smug guy, who holds the rabble at a fair distance, the better to cordon himself off in his self-edifying, lofty air. Unfortunately, Mike Ilitch bought into this with whatever's left of his fortune, and made Boras out to have Baseball-Reference-d the whole of the Tiger organization, right down to our last utility man. Sigh.

The Princely one himself is not especially fond of holding forth and analyzing a thing to death like we are. He's got a very comfortable way about him. I guess you would be comfortable when you can just flat out play, when you know you've got the goods, when there is just no question about your ability. Asked about the pressure of living up to the old "expectations" of a sizable contract, he appeared genuinely unfazed, and matter of factly stated he would go out and play hard and expected that all that stuff would take care of itself. He wasn't going to try to change his approach to the ball to hit the gaps at Comerica. He will go out there and hit the ball hard (meaning shred the cover off that orb) and try to hit line drives. He doesn't know AL pitchers that well, but then in the minors you don't know the pitchers either, and it all works out. This is a man who isn't going to get his jock strap in a twist over perceptions. And it's a good thing, too, as Lynn Henning straight up called him pudgy and asked Scott Boras if there was a weight clause in that there contract. I don't mind people asking the tough questions, because who wants a whole bunch of "how does it feel to be back in Detroit" swill," but Henning was just flatly rude.

Dave Dombrowski didn't wear a striped polo shirt, but suited up with the rest of the bunch in solemn acknowledgement of the coronation. He helped Prince into the home white jersey, and the awkward photo-op developed just as you'd expect, with Mike Ilitch crowing, "A Tiger!" It was adorable. As the GM, Dave has to become a veritable cardboard cutout cliché. He simply has to go down the line and thank the principal players, be deferent and executive all at once. Poor Dave. Ha.

Mike Ilitch was really the presser's show stopper, and it was hilarious and touching and quite appropriate. He spoke like a proud grandfather about Prince and hearing about him from Cecil, following his career, just missing him in the draft. He was a sweet old husband, calling his wife out to stand and look around at the crowd of media members who'd gathered to hear the tale of how Prince Fielder came to Detroit. He handed Chanel Fielder a bouquet of flowers in a courtly display of manners. He didn't come across as a pompous, fake, or heavy-handed. He looked happy, really thrilled to have this whole thing come together. A great moment of satisfaction. I must say that my own immediate reaction on Tuesday was just to be agog at this man's willingness to initiate such deals as this and the Cabrera trade.

I wish I could recreate for you my absolute frenzied astonishment on Tuesday as the news broke. It was incredulity, followed by a high brought on by being hammered from behind with the most joyous news. The wake we'd been holding for Victor was swept away, and a grand, raucous party broke out in its place. Sure, we'll come down eventually, and deal with a few realities. But for now, we dance!

The Field

2012-01-21T13:39:00.004-05:00

My previous post outlined my campaign for Vladimir Guerrero coming to the Tigers. Now, we'll take a look at the field and see how the competition fares against my pick. My analysis here is all straight up. No spin, no hollow rhetoric, no playing to your patriotic Tiger loyalties. I may have to break that last campaign promise right off the bat. That's ok though, you expected it. I wouldn't be politicking if I weren't going back on my words while they were still hanging in the air. No particular order, other than blatant, stone-blind favoritism toward the first man on the ballot below:

Magglio Ordóñez

Stop your eye-rolling scoffs right now. One of the largest oxymorons in sports is that fans want to win the Championship with seemingly every fiber of their beings, but at the same time harbor attachments to players that make them completely unable to view personnel transactions with impartiality.

Magglio has been working out with Miguel Cabrera this off season, and is reportedly at 70%. He won't be game ready by the beginning of the season, but neither will someone like Cespedes. After coming off consecutive ankle-breaking seasons, many say the man is just done. The truth is, you never know with aging players (hello, Lance Berkman!). It would be a low-cost move that would give the man his place in a Tigers uniform. It might not work out, true. I'm willing to take the risk, because Brennan Boesch is healthy, and there is a little something called the trade deadline at which we could make an additional move, if needed.

Carlos Peña

Sorry folks, this candidate has accepted an assignment with the Tampa Bay Rays. High on a lot of lists, I would have been fine with this move, but had a lingering uneasiness about his high strikeout rate.

Carlos Lee

Trade whispers indicate Andy Oliver might go to the Astros for Lee. Every trade rumor makes me cringe immediately, because our system is already so thin, and what do we have to trade away???? This move doesn't worry me so much, though. Although he is 35, Lee has been durable, playing in 162 games twice in his career, and consistent. I think he'd be a solid acquisition.

Prince Fielder

Sigh. I would not even list him, but since so many delusional fans keep clamoring for him, let us outline why Prince will not be coming here.

1. He's looking for a long term deal, and there is no reason to think he won't get one. His agent is Scott Boras. Do you really think Boras would even allow him to entertain the idea of a one year contract? Please awaken from this dream state and return to the realm of possibility.

2. He's famously estranged from his pops, and would face nothing but constant hounding about Cecil if he played here. Even fond memories of hitting batting practice home runs as a 13 year old at Tiger Stadium will do nothing to sway him.

3. He plays first base. Ahem.

Let's move on, shall we?

Yoenis Cespedes

Cespedes is a high profile Cuban defector who is still trying to establish residency so that MLB can declare him a free agent. With many teams vying for his services, the Tigers would likely overpay. I'd love to have the guy, but I think Dombrowski will be more conservative, and the Tigers will not win the bidding. It's ok. Remember that we still need a fifth starter. (subliminal messaging--don't rush Jacob Turner, don't rush Jacob Turner)

Johnny Damon

I had to go back and completely change my stance on this candidate. I HATE that, because I really wanted to be dead set against Johnny. It's because I am biased. Yup. My prejudices wrongly influenced me at first. I have never cared much for Damon. If you want to be a hired gun and go where the money is, no problem. Just don't say stuff like "I could never play for the Yankees," and then go denude yourself of facial hair and sign with them five seconds later. Well, I looked at the numbers. Compared him to options like Rick Ankiel and J.D. Drew. We'd be MUCH better off signing Damon. That's what happens when you do the research instead of letting personal slant strap the blinders on. I feel so tolerant and large-minded now! We may still not be cosmopolitan enough for Mrs. Damon, but I know Johnny liked playing here, so who knows?

I could go on for days here, and we have a lot of flexibility, because we can get a DH who can't play a lick of D, or we could sign an outfielder and put Young at DH, which would suit me and a legion of others quite nicely. So, even though I mourn the fact that Victor will not be stepping into the batter's box any time soon, and want to sob every time I think about HIS loss, we do have some things that can be done to try to compensate until our man can return.

Who's YOUR candidate?

SuperPac: Guerrero Your Hero

2012-01-18T20:39:00.006-05:00

I have decided to start a superpac to campaign on behalf of bringing Vladimir Guerrero to the D. I mean, it's the season for campaigning, so why not throw Vlad's hat in to the ring? I don't know about you, but every time I listen to debates or soundbites from politicians, I get a strange churning feeling in the pit of my stomach. The seemingly viral corruption there is very distasteful. Never fear, I pledge to run a clean campaign for Vlad. No smearing of the other candidates. Well, if something about one of the other candidates is true, it may be shared in the interest of full disclosure.

Here are some qualities that would make Vlad a good fit for Detroit:

1. He doesn't use batting gloves. This is just pure awesomeness, and there are very few people who bat without gloves these days. Because he doesn't use gloves, he uses a lot of pine tar. We want to help sustain the pine tar industry, so let's employ Guerrero. Maybe they'll build a pine tar processing plant in Michigan.

2. Vlad's mother makes an incredible spread for the clubhouse for every game. Guerrero is from the Dominican Republic. Word is his mother's food is super delicious. Who knows, you may have a chance to sneak into the clubhouse sometime and partake.

3. Vlad is a bad ball hitter. I love this. It's impossible not to love seeing someone swing at stuff above the letters and down on the shoetops and actually make contact. I am fully aware that Vlad is not in his prime any longer, but he would be more than serviceable.

4. His name is Vladimir. That is all.

5. Vlad has six kids. I don't know how he has managed his money. He may need the cash.

6. He was on the cover of TV Guide. TV GUIDE! You don't believe me? Behold.

Look, our campaign slogan is clear: "VIVA VLAD!"

So there you have it. My case for Vladimir Guerrero. I will be producing campaign video spots, buttons, yard signs, and more very soon.

Tigertown in Shambles

2012-01-17T18:18:00.006-05:00

Well, there's nothing to break a person out of writer's block like a horrific off-season injury to a key player. For some reason, I've just been completely void of post ideas for quite a while. Not the best thing for retaining readers. So, to the maybe one person left out there, I give you this: GAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

I mean, this is just too much. I can't imagine how the man himself feels right now, when all of Tiger fandom is alternating between sobs, muttering and cursing. It's a blow not easily recovered from. It shakes a not so solid lineup. It exposes Miguel Cabrera to 50,000 intentional walks. I CANNOT BEAR THE THOUGHT OF THE BAT BEING TAKEN OUT OF MIGGY'S HANDS AGAIN!!!

Of course, this also comes at just about the worst possible time. Fans are literally broken out in baseball withdrawal sweats, and the Tigers have cancelled Tiger fest in a Grinchy move that is calculated to make me even crankier than normal. Could you not shell out a few bucks to rent out Cobo or Joe Louis you tightwads? I love the corporate line "TigerFest is best suited to Comerica Park." YOU MEAN YOU'RE TOO CHEAP AND LAZY TO HOLD IT SOMEWHERE ELSE, JERKS.

Sorry for all the caps lock, but it's been that kind of day. I hope these skinflint ways don't extend to finding a replacement for VMart. We need a bat for this season. We can't just make do. We are already making do with platoons of Raburn/Santiago and Inge/Kelly. UGH. Go get a bat, Dave, go get a bat.

I have always been a fan of Vlad Guererro. I know, he's diminished, but he may be a decent option. Of course, you know what I am REALLY hoping for:

BRING BACK MAGGLIO IN A BLAZE OF GLORY AND LET HIM FINISH HIS CAREER A TIGER AS HE SHOULD AND ALL WILL BE RIGHT IN THE WORLD.

Sorry. I am a little crazed at the moment. But really, we could do worse. He'd be inexpensive. He will probably hit for decent average. He belongs here. Accept it before it destroys you.

Also, let us not forget about poor Victor. Many get well wishes go out to you, fine sir. May you find comfort in the fact that so many people have gone absolutely certifiable over the thought of going a season without you. May the surgeon's hand be masterful, and your recovery be swift. May your family care for you in your recuperation. And may the Tigers win the Central so you can come back and be a playoff hero.

A Merry Christmas to All....

2011-12-25T14:31:00.003-05:00

May visions of playoff berths dance in your heads. May Justin Verlander's MVP trophy reign on your mantle vicariously. May Miguel Cabrera's batting title bring back giddy recollection of doubles, triples and moon shots. May Alex Avila's Silver Slugger never tarnish. May no-hitter number two not be JV's last. May the memory of beating the Yankees on the "hallowed" turf of Yankee Stadium never fade. May Rod Allen's "Oh, Jackson" ring gloriously eternal in your ears. And may Dave Dombrowski make all of our Christmases by getting that fifth starter we need....and a third baseman.

Proof That Awards Voting is Rigged

2011-12-03T20:17:00.001-05:00

There's an exclusive little club for Detroit Tigers baseball bloggers. It's called the Detroit Independent Baseball Scribes (DIBS). You may say, "I've never heard of DIBS." That's right. You haven't heard of it, because IT'S EXCLUSIVE, comprende? We don't want every idiot on twitter clamoring to get into the club.

The prestigious DIBS held its own post-season awards voting recently. I received a ballot, placed my votes, submitted them, naively believing that my vote would be included in the tabulation. Alas, Kurt Mensching, the malevolent dictator of DIBS, deliberately flushed my vote down the Internet toilet. I'll show HIM! I'm going to publish my votes here and sign Kurt up to receive fifty yarn catalogs a day until Christmas, along with a tsunami of spam ads for male enhancement supplements that will cause his email inbox to spontaneously combust. (Just kidding, something went haywire on the internetz, and my vote never made it to Kurt.)

Here's the official press release, along with my votes:

Most Valuable Tiger -- Justin Verlander

With AL Cy Young Award and Most Valuable Player victories, Verlander has a cupboard full of hardware already for his 2011 season. Unsurprisingly, he added another laurel after receiving 15 of 22 votes. Miguel Cabrera, Justgruel Cabrander, Alex Avila and Victor Martinez also received votes, but Verlander put in a season that won’t soon be forgotten.

I voted for Justin. He IS THE MAN. Miggy was deserving. Totally. And if he doesn't win an MVP soon, I pledge to riot.

Best Rookie -- Al Alburquerque

When Alburquerque was signed during the last offseason and immediately put on the 40-man roster, a lot of people thought, “I know he’s got a cool name, but aren’t we getting ahead of ourselves?” When he started using his slider-fastball combination to rack up strikeout after strikeout, he quickly became a fan favorite. In fact, he played so well it was hard to remember there were other rookies. (Andy Dirks, Duane Below and Adam Wilk may have been the chief contenders for the award.)

Again, I was with the crowd on this one. Alburquerque's slider had jaws dropping all over the place.

Best Role Player -- Ramon Santiago

Recently, another group of voters named Don Kelly as the Tigers “10th man.” DIBS tackled the same question, but came up with a better answer: Ramon Santiago. It feels like he’s been a Tiger forever, but he has really come into his own during the past three years as a valuable member of the middle infield. Don Kelly, Phil Coke, Joaquin Benoit and Alex Avila also received votes.

Don't tell Rogo of Designate Robertson, but I voted for Don Kelly. He filled a lot of roles.

Best Moment -- Austin Jackson’s double-play throw to defeat the Indians on Aug. 21

This was a season with many great memories, including the team’s first division title since 1987 and another AL Division Series victory over the Yankees. But the wise voters of DIBS remembered that before all that could occur, the Tigers had to dismiss Cleveland from the equation. On Aug. 21, the Tigers did just that when Austin Jackson caught a fly ball and threw out Kosuke Fukudome at home plate to end the game, 8-7, and secure a sweep of the Tribe. Other favorite moments include Victor Jose Martinez’s “Vote for my Dad” All-Star press conference and the ALDS victory over New York.

I voted for the September 3rd game in which Raburn and Miguel Cabrera hit back to back home runs to cap off a comeback from down 8-0 against the Sox. It was a cementing moment for our post season run, in my mind.

Team Clown -- Phil Coke

It didn’t take Phil Coke’s Brain to figure out who would win this award. Although Justin Verlander and Miguel Cabrera also received votes for their off-field shenanigans, Coke’s genuine goofiness won over almost half of DIBS’ voters. However, Verlander’s ode to Bert Blyleven, giving Don Kelly the hot foot, helped him cruise to a second-place finish.

I voted for Phil Coke, here, despite Verlander's best attempts to display two distinct personalities: stone faced game face, and goofy non-game day prankster.

Best Hair -- Alex Avila

Avila could shave before the first inning and sport a full beard by the third. His 5 o’clock shadow begins at midnight. He was the clear winner in a category that featured a plethora of responses. Runners-up included Justin Verlander’s arms, Jim Leyland’s mustache, Daniel Schlereth’s mullet-beard combo and Miguel Cabrera’s mohawk. Will Rhymes, Brennan Boesch and Brayan Villarreal also received votes.

I voted for Justin Verlander's arm hair. I mean, have you SEEN it? Needy children could be clothed with that stuff.

Tiger Organization Name of the Year -- Doug Fister

DIBS voters liked the double-entendre that was Doug Fister. In a close vote, he snuck past Deik Scram and Al Alburquerque. Other well-named Tigers included Montreal Robertson of the Connecticut Tigers, former Tigers Casper Wells and Charlie Furbush, Wilson Betemit and Justin Verlander.

I misunderstood this category and voted Miguel Cabrera. I thought it was sort of an alternative category to MVP, not about the "name." Sorry. I am a moron.

Goofiest Moment -- 3 way tie

Any 162-game season is going to be filled with plenty of heartbreak and plenty of fun. This one was no different. In fact, voters came up with so many suggestions for this award that we had a three-way tie at four votes and a couple more with two votes. The tie featured Alex Avila’s catchers mask throwing off sparks after being hit; Andy Dirks sprinting around the bases for an in-the-park home run despite the ball being caught, and Jim Leyland’s pantomime argument with the ump; and Verlander’s lighting Don Kelly’s shoe on fire. Other receiving multiple votes included Justin Verlander’s awkward balk against Oakland, Don Kelly pitching, Ryan Raburn’s attempt to catch a fly ball resulting in a home run, and Victor Martinez dancing around home plate.

I voted for Justin Verlander's crazy balk/illegal pitch. It was so strange. I had never seen anything like it. I've also never seen sparks fly off a catcher's mask, but...

Best Victor Martinez -- Sr.

When the Tigers signed “Victor Martinez,” they actually got two Victor Martinezes for their money. Although young Victor Jose Martinez may win the award for cutest Tiger, he father edged him in voting for the best Victor Martinez, 12-9, with one vote for both. Senior’s major league contributions give him the edge for now, but the smart money is on Victor Jose in the long run.

Little Victor is beyond cute. But given the season that Victor had, and given the fact that said season was overshadowed by Verlander and Cabrera, I had to give Sr. his due in this vote. I stand amazed in the glory of Victor's magnificence.

List of voting 2011 DIBS voting members in no particular order:

● Roar of the Tigers -- Samara Pearlstein

● Motor City Bengals -- John Parent

● Tiger Tales -- Lee Panas

● Phil Coke's Brain Matters -- Anonymous

● April in The D -- Laura, Megan and Rosie

● Fire Gerald Laird -- Greg Papke

● Tigers Amateur Analysis -- Erin Saelzler

● Where have you gone, Johnny Grubb? -- Greg Eno

● Detroit Tigers Scorecard -- Austin Drake

● Detroit Tigers Weblog -- Kevin Vela

● DesigNate Robertson -- Scott Rogowski

● Deetown Tigers -- Skip

● Detroit Jock City -- Zac Snyder

● Bless You Boys -- David Tokarz, Matt Wallace, Al Beaton, Kurt Mensching and Alli Hagen

● Mlive’s Tigers coverage -- Matt Sussman, James Schmehl, Ian Casselberry

● Old English D -- Jen Cosey

Holding On By My Toes

2011-12-01T13:34:00.004-05:00

Ok. I'm finally ready. I never put this season to bed. I tried a couple of times. I attempted to muster up enough mental fortitude, but wound up a coward every time. In fact, last night, because it was the last day of November, and in light of the fact that it would be absolutely BEYOND to hang on any longer, I removed the miniscule remnants of my navy blue playoff toenail polish and put on a "normal" hue. It was a painful experience. I had to own up to all that had happened. I had to let this season be pried from my death grip, and then let it go.

I had to remember Nelson Cruz blasting 20,000 playoff home runs against us, notably off a 100 MPH Justin Verlander fastball, and one off Jose Valverde's "best pitch." I had to relive getting eliminated in a rout so ugly, Jim Leyland said what everyone was thinking--that it's a crying shame this team will be remembered by this game. /gnash-sob-hurl things against wall

I know. I know. We had a good run. That's all you can ask for. It's really difficult just to make the playoffs in baseball. We ousted the Gotham Yanks. We saw Austin Jackson start an outfield assist double play at the plate that elicited a throaty "OH JACKSON" from Rod Allen the likes of which we'll never forget, and which aptly captured the emotion of the play. We saw Ryan Raburn and Miguel Cabrera hit back-to-back jacks to drive a stake through the hearts of the White Sox. I KNOW these things. Really I do. I'm not generally an ingrate, either. But when it came right down to it, I was still devastated. I apologize for being a horrible, terrible, no-good person.

A friend and I mulled over off-season acquisitions and reminisced about Tiger Fest 2011 today, so that helped. We laughed over arctic temperatures and red noses, the salvation of hand and foot warmers, hugs from Casper Wells and gasps at an unexpected brush by from Max Scherzer. The countdown to Tiger Fest 2012 has begun.

Ok. I promise to leave 2011 in the past where it belongs. I'm not going to harp on the things that went wrong. I won't keep rehashing the seamy side of yesterday's news. Eyes front. Hot stove. Winter meetings. Yes sir.

I'm Not Saying Goodbye

2011-11-03T19:06:00.005-04:00

So Dave Dombrowski, short of throwing Magglio Ordóñez a farewell soiré, has inscribed the handwriting on the wall himself. What is my reaction to this? Surprise? No. Anger? No. (I may have had an urge to punch the brick fireplace just to see my shredded flesh and crushed knuckles, but I refrained). Anguish? Sorrow as deep as the chasms that make Lake Superior a numbing force of liquid cold? No.

Emptiness. Magglio Ordóñez has been my Tiger since the middle of the 2006 season, when I asked myself the profound question "Who IS my Tiger?" and found him to be the answer. It took a while that season, as I pondered, plumbed the depths of my consciousness and analyzed my feelings for each man on the roster. Magglio Ordóñez was the name that echoed back to me.

Since making that irrevocable decision, I've enjoyed so many moments of glory involving Magglio, somehow even being in attendance for more than a few of them. I apologize, but I have to list them for you, even if it is an exercise in redundance. Don't worry, I won't exasperate you with tired recreations of each moment.

October 14, 2006, ALCS Game 4, walkoff home run, (one of the best moments in my Tiger fan history.)

2007, batting title .363, (I loved hearing the Venezuelan announcers call each of his at bats on the final day of the season in Chicago, as he edged Ichiro Suzuki.) Magglio was also a strong MVP candidate in 2007, getting beat out by Alex Rodriguez. Yeah, I puked too when the award was announced.

June 12, 2007, sliding catch to preserve Justin Verlander's no hitter (I was at the game, and may have peed my pants a little.)

August 12, 2007, two home runs hit in the same inning (the first time a Tigers player had accomplished the feat since Al Kaline did it in 1955, I was at this game, but missed the second home run while taking my son to the ferris wheel. That's what I get for trying to be an easy going mom instead of staying true to my never-miss-a-moment-of-the-action self.)

2009, Magglio comes storming back to form after a dismal first half at the plate. He hit .375 in the second half of the season to bring his season average up to .301, swinging a scorching stick to silence the critics who had written him off as washed up. I took great joy in seeing him vindicated.

April 29, 2010 Magglio records hit number 2000. (I was there for this game also, and was sitting in right field. We gave him a thundering standing O as he came back to the field.)

Really, I just want to thank him for helping to bring baseball back to Detroit. There were those dark days when baseball was a joke in this town, when the Bless You Boys days of '84 seemed like a century ago instead of the less than 20 years it had been. Magglio helped to bring legitimacy back to the club. No doubt, we overpaid to get him in 2005, when he was coming off experimental knee surgery. For sure, the big payday was a draw. I'm not that naive to think he came here riding a crest of benevolence. All I'm saying is that he was one of the cornerstones of the resurgence.

So no, I'm not going to say goodbye to Magglio Ordóñez. He is Always a Tiger. He should have retired here. But, that won't happen. The team has decided to "go in another direction." I realize we have our DH in Victor Martinez. I just take it as a big personal affront that Magglio can't walk off into the sunset wearing the Old English D. Sorry for being all stupidly sentimental. Heroes aren't that easy to come by. Playoff memories aren't made every day. I value these things.

Now I am a Tigerless soul, bleakly haunting blogs, twitter and baseball news sources. It will be a while before I adopt a new Tiger. You can't replace the irreplaceable. I am fond of Max Scherzer and his fanboy enthusiasm. We'll see. Down the road a ways. We'll see.

For now, thank you Magglio, for etching the number 30 into Tiger history, for logging a few entries into Tiger lore, for bringing the fans roaring to their feet, and for being my Tiger.

It's No Mystery

2011-10-17T19:47:00.003-04:00

As a member of the Baseball Blogger's Alliance, I am privileged to cast my vote for the American League's top pitcher. The BAA award for the top pitcher is known as the Walter Johnson award. If you don't know who Walter Johnson is, click here. Although I would love to provide a lot of insightful analysis, I am serving jury duty this week, and have to use the evenings to do some work for my day job. I know, cry me a river.

My top five American League pitchers appear below.

Justin Verlander, Detroit

Jered Weaver, Los Angeles

James Shields, Tampa Bay

Josh Beckett, Boston

Dan Haren, Los Angeles

All I have time to say is, what a year by Verlander. It was so much fun watching him take the hill this season. Kudos to him for taking his game to a whole new level. Almost every outing, it felt like there was a chance he could throw another no hitter.

I wanted to include Doug Fister, but didn't want to seem like a homer. His numbers were very comparable to Haren's.

Enjoy the World Series (if that's possible). I know I'll be watching, but will be thinking with every pitch "that should be my Tigers out there." To add insult to injury, a radio station played "Written in the Stars" on my way home from the Detroit court house today. I ask you, is that humane?

Willie Mays Award Voting

2011-10-10T15:55:00.003-04:00

As a member of the Baseball Bloggers Alliance, I am privileged to cast my vote for the American League's top rookie. You might remember that last year, in the conventional Rookie of the Year voting, Austin Jackson finished second to Neftali Feliz. Feliz had a brilliant year, no doubt, but I felt Jackson was the rightful winner of the award. Anyway, on to the current year. Here are my selections for the season's top rookie:

Jeremy Hellickson

Although Hellickson started four games for the Rays in 2010, he was technically a rookie this year. He was an integral part of their run to the playoffs. He finished with an ERA of 2.95 and a WHIP of 1.153.

Mark Trumbo

Trumbo put on a show in his rookie season, hitting 29 home runs and knocking in 87. His better defense led me to place him ahead of Eric Hosmer on this ballot.

Ivan Nova

Another rookie pitcher that was an important part of the starting rotation for a team that made the playoffs, Nova finished the season with an ERA of 3.70 and a WHIP of 1.331.

And My Vote for AL Manager of the Year Goes To

2011-10-05T17:24:00.003-04:00

As a member of the Baseball Bloggers Alliance, it is my pleasure to cast a vote for the Connie Mack Award (Manager of the Year) for the American League. My top three choices appear below.

Ron Washington

Ron Washington has Texas contending again this year. The Rangers have already advanced to the ALCS. Washington is respected by his players and peers alike. Jim Leyland selected him as a coach for the 2007 All Star Game. Texas' record in September was 19-6. Yes, you've got to credit the players for this run, but I believe the manager deserves some credit as well.

Joe Maddon

The Rays lopped over $35 million off their payroll after last season. By the way, the Rays' payroll was 29th in all of baseball this season at $41,900,000. The team also lost its entire bullpen after last season, but still made the playoffs. Joe Maddon seems to know how to make the game fun. He also knows how to win games with a small payroll. He contends in the AL East. Enough said.

Jim Leyland

Although Jim Leyland entered this season as a lame duck, I do not believe that status affected his ability to lead or manage in the least. I don't think the players find it to be a distraction. The ballclub extended Leyland's and Dombrowski's contracts in July anyway, so the whole lame duck thing went away. Jim Leyland makes a lot of decisions that madden me. Lineups, reliever selection, you name it. However, he has been successful. His players love him. He is known for keeping the clubhouse loose, and for dealing with all kinds of personalities. He is loyal to his players, often to a fault, especially veterans. Before Jim Leyland was hired, the Tigers were caught in a seemingly endless cycle of losing seasons. Since then, we've contended for the playoffs almost annually. Not too bad.

Game Three is Good to Me

2011-10-04T18:29:00.004-04:00

I was at Game 3 of the 2006 ALDS. I was at Game 3 of the 2011 ALDS. These were good games. The Tigers won them both. I screamed myself hoarse. I got to see two Yankee fans practically RUN to the exits after DEREK MR. OCTOBER JETER struck out to end the game and the Yankee comeback threat.

This game was the cause of many near-hospitalizations. My stomach hurt almost all game long. At the end of the game, I was literally gulping for air, and my legs were a strange jelly-like consistency underneath me. It was all almost too much to bear. I had so much adrenaline rushing through my body, it lingered for hours afterward. I woke up yesterday at 5:00 am, and couldn't go back to sleep in anticipation of the evening's festivities. I didn't get home until after 1 am, and as you know, I'm old, so staying up for 20 hours straight takes its toll. I felt massively hungover today, even though I didn't have a drop of alcohol yesterday. I've been worthless all day. My body is moving in a very slug-like manner, and my throat is scratchy from all the raucous yelling I did last night. It's fabulous.

Justin Verlander struck out the side in the fifth, and it was nothing short of breath-taking. HE STRUCK OUT THE YANKEE SIDE. IN THE PLAYOFFS. COME ON PEOPLE! Crazy-tingly-high-fiving-strangers-wicked-stuff.

Delmon Young's seventh inning, game-winning home run came very near where I was sitting with Rogo of Designate Robertson. He is a total dork, and has posted a photo on his site in which he has circled himself in the crowd. Needless to say, we all went gonzo when it happened. I mean, how deflating that Gardner, newly annointed Tiger Killer, tied the game in the top of the inning. I am beginning to dislike this fellow very much. Anyway, Delmon revived us all with one first-pitch swing of the bat. Thank you Delmon, for picking Justin Verlander up so quickly.

When Don Kelly laid down a bunt single, I had to laugh and give Rogo a hard time. It was fun. Also, I declare that Rogo not-so-secretly likes and roots for Brandon Inge. Yes, the very same Inge he has mocked and derided on his site for years. You may not be aware of this, but the Rogo of Designate Robertson isn't much like Scott Rogowski. It's an alter-ego like Tony Plush or Larry Bernandez.

Jose Valverde had a ninth inning that gave the nickname Cardiac Cats new meaning. I am serious. At times, I could barely watch, and my breath was alternately held and gasping. I tried taking deep calm breaths, but with little success. Two walks, two outs, he buzzes Jeter and we all gasp some more. Finally, FINALLY he gets Jeter swinging, and the place roars.

Post season memories last a lifetime.

THE PLAYOFFS ARE HERE

2011-09-30T20:09:00.005-04:00

My hands are a bit shaky as I type this. I am awash with nervous anticipation. I'm not nervous because I'm worried about our boys playing the Yankees. I'm just overamped, something I hope Justin Verlander is NOT.

Bring on the stupid Yankees of New York City. Bring on Nick Swisher and his extra large mouth that said that the Yankees would beat the Tigers "hands down." I hope we can stuff those words down his throat along with some sod and dirt and stuff. Bring on Lord Jeter and his overhyped, overrated, overworshipped self. Bring on Alex Rodriguez and his mirror kissing, centaur painting, image obsessed, fake personality. Bring on the whole stinking Yankee roster, and match them up with Justin Verlander. I want to see it.

I don't know how much longer I can wait for this game to start. The past two days have crawled by at a pace so glacial, it appeared that 8:37 might never arrive.

I really hope tonight's game isn't a nail biter, because I'm not sure my constitution can stand it. I mean, I guess a nail biter would be better than a Yankee blowout, but....please....have pity on me......

OK. I am ready. I want this thing underway already. I want to stop hearing about the Yankee mystique and the Yankee dominance, and the Yankee tradition, and the Yankee post-season magic, and....sigh. All that's left to say is:

We're all behind our baseball team, go get 'em Tigers!

and:

PLAY BALL!

We Are the Champions My Friend

2011-09-19T22:06:00.005-04:00

So, the division, it belongs to us. We own it. The Tigers are the Champions of the American League Central Division for 2011. It sounds so lovely. It seems like forever since we've said that because it is forever. We've never won the Central. We won the East in 1987. Sorry for reminding you about the black hole of suck we were for a while. Let's not dwell on that.

I hope you stayed up to watch the clincher. I mean, I know you could watch almost all of the highlights the next day, but it's not the same, you know. It's not the same as being bleary eyed at 1:30 in the morning, watching our boys pour champagne over each other's heads, smoking cigars about an inch and half in diameter (expensive ones provided by Papa Grande--who else?), and reveling in sealing their own playoff destiny. Of course Brandon Inge had a snorkel and mask on and looked like a total dork. Of course he did. I understand that champagne burns the eyes and whatnot, but come on. The boys also reportedly turned the plastic on the clubhouse floor into a slip and slide. Jim Leyland didn't want to hear about that or watch it. It scared him. But he didn't do anything to stop it. Imagine the nightmare injury scenarios running through poor Skip's mind.

Speaking of Skip, his interview was a blubbering mess, but endeared him to struggling Detroiters everywhere. He flat out sobbed about how he hoped this meant something to the fans, and he grew up with a factory worker dad who worried about the threat of layoffs. Jim Leyland cares about Joe Schmo, and he's not afraid to cry in front of the whole baseball watching world.

Saturday's game was one giant hangover. I appreciate that Miguel Cabrera and Victor Martinez wanted to play the day after a clinching celebration went well into the morning hours. Apparently, the team went to a bar together after all the clubhouse festivities for some private celebration time. Then Jim Leyland and Gene Lamont went to Carl's Junior to get some food and ran into Magglio Ordóñez. Imagine what time it was at that point. The game felt so meaningless. I even felt hung over and I hadn't drunk any alcohol. It was just too soon to process a game. I know we needed to reset and focus on home field advantage, but I doubt that anyone on Saturday could have broken out of a momentary listless fog.

On Sunday, Justin Verlander gave us all a swift smack and brought us back to the race against the Texas Rangers for first round HFA. Eight innings, NO RUNS, y'all. Justin Verlander, ladies and gentlemen. Just another day at the office. Just another case in point for MVP. Jose Valverde just, ho-hum, got his 46th save out of 46 opportunities this season. Are you not impressed?

So, now we are tunnel vision on winning out these last nine games, right? No, I'm not that unrealistic. I just want to finish strong. I just want the home field advantage. I just....I am greedy. Sorry.

One last thing. Could the next two weeks hurry by so I can GO TO A PLAYOFF GAME????????

A Moment of Silence That WIll be Filled by One Man's Call

2011-09-16T18:25:00.007-04:00

Amid all the come-back wins, the bouncing throng of players engulfing the latest walkoff hero, and the imminence of the Tigers clinching the AL Central, my mind keeps circling 'round to one thing. I miss Ernie Harwell.

I know he wouldn't be making the call even if he were still alive--his last official words in the booth came on September 29, 2002. I know that we're fortunate to have Dan Dickerson as our play-by-play guy, and he has put away some vividly memorable calls himself. I know that Ernie had a full life, a rewarding career, and was at peace even as he faced the end of his time here on earth.

Despite all that, I cannot help it. He's left a huge cavern and nothing can fill it. I'm one of those people that cringes at sappy ballads and snarks at made-for-tv dramas. I'm sorry to do it to you, but I have to own up to my sentimentality when it comes to Ernie. Thankfully, I know I'm not alone. When we revel in our first division crown in 24 years, the raucous din will momentarily fade and our eyes won't quite be dry as we pause to salute the man who was the sound of summer for so many years.

Thanks again, Ernie. You'll be in the middle of it all.

Your voice echoes in my mind: "The Tigers are the 2011 Champions of the American League Central!"

A Run, an Omen and a Piece of Filth

2011-09-11T19:01:00.007-04:00

I'm exhausted. I've been expending gargantuan amounts of energy lately on not getting too excited about the Tigers and our playoff chances. Every comeback win has me floating around like an untethered helium balloon, and then I don a lead mantle of caution and superstition to force myself back down to earth. This nine game win streak, involving three straight sweeps of divisional foes Chicago, Cleveland and Minnesota makes me want to break out into a really bad rendition of "Another One Bites the Dust," but I restrain myself admirably. I do admit, I have sung "We're all behind our baseball team, go get 'em Tigers" a couple times, but not the forbidden line. Hey, I'm trying, give me a little credit. But just let me tell you THIS:

The last time the Tigers had a nine game winning streak, the year was 1984.

Cue the shivers and some eerily prescient music. I mean, if that's not a sign from the ghost of baseball's past, I don't know what is.

Also, I am feeling an odd form of torture as well, because I have been saving all my ducats for the possible chance to attend a game that is played after all the regular season games have been played. Therefore, I haven't been to a game since August 2, and I have the shakes pretty badly. It's taken me about an hour and a half just to type up this drivel.

I cannot believe I am about to admit this to you, but I when I heard that the Red Cross was having a promotion on Labor Day weekend in which they gave away a pair of tickets to the last regular season series to anyone who donated blood, I jumped all over it in a moment of unmitigated selfishness. Very sheepishly, I went through the questionnaire, and sat in the vinyl chair gently squeezing the bolster as a pint of my blood slowly left my body. Dirty tickets. I scored 'em though. They're stowed in my game day bag right now. Contaminating it. I don't feel guilty enough not to use them. I am thoroughly corrupt.

Enjoy the afterglow of Fister's latest performance on the mound, ladies and gentleman, and please, for the love of cleats and stitched leather spheres, don't defile yourself like I did.

It's Settled: Max Scherzer is a Fan Boy

2011-09-04T11:58:00.004-04:00

Did you see Max Scherzer's reaction to Miguel Cabrera's walk off four-sacker last night? If you didn't, please click here and watch the clip. His reaction is priceless. He is running out of the dugout with a look of absolute joy, his arms whirling wildly at this sides. STINKING ADORABLE. This is not the first time this year that I've seen Max react this way.

When Austin Jackson robbed Alex Gordon of a home run on August 6, Scherzer went wild on the dugout rail. Check it out here. Scherzer's reaction made my night. I laughed so hard, tears sprang to my eyes.

I love Max Scherzer for showing his unbridled emotions. He gets excited. He doesn't hide it. He doesn't try to feign disinterestedness. He doesn't pretend that something isn't a big deal. Coming back from a seven run deficit IS a big deal. Increasing our lead to 7.5 games over the dreaded Sox is a big deal. Making Ozzie Guillen lose his marbles is a big deal. (I would give anything to have been in the Chicago club house after yesterday's game.)

Max Scherzer tells us all that it's ok for a player to react to something a teammate does. A stone-faced, stoic calm is not required in MLB. Thanks Max.

Without a Net

2011-08-25T21:23:00.005-04:00

After spelling Alex Avila for one game, the Tigers have sent Omir Santos back across the State line to Toledo. Is anyone else worried about this? If Santos isn't recalled by August 31, we won't have a playoff-eligible backup catcher in the event that Victor's knee doesn't mend. I don't find this to be wise. I don't believe that Brandon Inge's knees can stand up to the rigors of catching, so I don't include him in the catcher discussion. Is Don Kelly your idea of a suitable backup? Bwahahahahahaha. Don't let the fact that he's played all nine positions fool you.

Maybe the Tigers have consulted a psychic (asked Kevin Rand) and they are fully confident that everything will be fine with Victor. I hope so. I hope with all my heart so.

Because, you know what? I'm sprung. I've allowed myself to be infected with playoff fever. I was trying to be all sensible...cautious...guarded. But after we beat the Rays on Tuesday, in a game in which we had Brad Penny (no offense) go up against David Price, in a game in which both Benoit and Valverde were unavailable, in a game in which Phil Coke was not supposed to appear, and in a game in which he was then asked to go two innings and close out the thing, I just lost it.

My heart is now fully invested in making the playoffs. I know. I am a fool. I set myself up for yet another heartache. If the unthinkable happens, no one will be able to deal with me...no one. Sick leave will be taken from work, and you'll find me sitting alone in a dark room, unshowered, wearing the same stanky Tigers t-shirt, muttering incoherently. Not a pretty picture. But true.

So Tigers, you darn well better know what you're doing walking the tightrope without a net. Everything's riding on it. EVERYTHING.

While I Was Out

2011-08-22T01:31:00.003-04:00

Um, so I go on vacation for a week, and come back to THIS:

Mi Magglio has been demoted to bench player as we have acquired horrible defender and perennial underachiever Delmon Young from the Twinks. I guess that bench player is better than released player, which was my immediate thought/fear/nightmare when I heard of the Young trade. But still, the ignominy of it just makes me want to jerk the wheel into a bridge embankment.

Brandon Inge is recalled from Toledo when Alex Avila has been playing 43,798 games in a row, and is ready to spontaneously combust this very minute, not to mention the fact that we have twenty players on the roster currently who can play third base, ONE OF WHOM WE JUST TRADED FOR!! PLEASE DAVE DOMBROWSKI AND JIM LEYLAND TELL ME WHY IN THE NAME OF BALLS AND STRIKES DID WE NOT BRING UP A CATCHER????? I know we're thin at catcher in the farm system, but until Martinez can go out there and don the gear again, we need someone. I don't care if Avila is 14 years old and made of rubber, HE CANNOT BE RUN OUT THERE EVERY DAY LIKE A DROID.

I apologize for all these caps, but how else can I show you that I am screaming....at the top of my lungs....at 1:45 am...and waking all my neighbors...and scaring the cats...and....(sorry)

Anyway, I didn't see any games for a week, well unless you count going to a Milwaukee Brewers game and seeing them turn a triple play against the Dodgers, but I don't count that. So, to come home and see the Tigers finish off a sweep of the Tribe, and to see Austin Jackson and Alex Avila cut down Fukudome to end the game and seal it, and to hear Rod Allen's throaty "OH, JACKSON," was well, let's just say it's good to be home.

Listen to the Voice of Reason

2011-08-08T20:21:00.005-04:00

I'm just going to come out and say it. Magglio Ordóñez is scuffling. He's 6 for his last 34 at bats. This pains me like a rusted piece of barbed wire wrapped tightly around my flabby mid-section. This is not a time to panic. This is not a time to bail on the guy. We need him for....dare I whisper it??? (the playoffs).

Ok. Ok. Ok. I'm telling myself to take a slow breath in and then a cleansing breath out. You should do the same. Sloooooowly. No hyper-ventilating.

Our hero has been written off countless times by would-be fortune tellers. The half-wit sooth sayers have always been wrong. Mi Magglio does not appear to be flustered and flailing. He's going to be all right. He's going to pull out of this funk. He's going to have an impact. Please mark these words so you can remember to GIVE ME CREDIT WHEN I AM RIGHT.

Besides, look, it's not like we need Magglio to carry the team. We've got Miguel Cabrera and Victor Martinez and Jhonny Peralta to do the heavy lifting. The pressure is off. Magglio can just relax and see the ball. Remember in 2007 when Magglio won the batting title, and he said that the ball looked big and slow? I'm not saying we're going back to batting title Magglio. He just needs to start seeing that big, slow ball again. Then everything will be just fine.

Two for Flinching

2011-08-06T16:25:00.004-04:00

While Daniel Schlereth was pitching during the eighth and ninth innings last night, I would imagine that most of the Tiger faithful were a mite on edge. Me? As the ball left Schlereth's hand, I actually flinched in anticipation of the carnage to follow. Once again, I find myself in a humbling position. Sigh.

Mr. Schlereth, I apologize for doubting your ability to get the ball over the plate. I am sorry that I did not believe that you could get major league hitters to make outs. I will stop flinching when your fingertips release the ball.

Of course, we never would have been forced to white-knuckle it through Schlereth's outing if Jim hadn't rushed the hook out when Porcello had given up a couple singles and had thrown all of 82 pitches. However, in the light of a Tigers win in extras, and a Tribe loss (snicker, whoop, fist-pump) in extras, I won't quibble.

Give our skip credit for scrubbing Brad Penny's start so that Justin Verlander can face Cleveland twice in the next two weeks. Yeah, we want our ace toeing the rubber against our closest divisional competition. But don't misunderstand me. I mean no disrespect to Penny. As Rogo pointed out, he's done a fine job as fifth starter. It's just.....Justin Verlander, you know! Anyway, the decision got me just a little bit juiced for the playoff chase.

Don't worry though, I haven't forgotten my vow not to jinx this team again by purchasing playoff tickets before we've made it in. I'm turning tricks on the street...I mean I'm clipping coupons and eating expired foods to afford the brazen prices of heartless scalpers. I hope you appreciate the sacrifices I'm making to help the club. Geez.

Water is Wet

2011-08-03T21:12:00.008-04:00

Allow me to recount for you just a couple of the many hardships that had to be endured to make it through last night’s game.

1. The monsoon. I’m no wimp. I come prepared with rain jacket every game. However, the heavy rains at the end of the game left everyone waterlogged and dripping. Even my mints, which were in a closed aluminum tin, were soggy. Also, it was genuinely interfering with Valverde’s ability to pitch. The game should have been called, but I understand why they were trying to finish it. If the outcome had been disastrous, however, there would have been a lot of (justified) complaints from the Tiger fan base.

2. Annoying fans. There were four young kids (just out of high school?) sitting behind us. Here are a few of the comments from their non-stop, loud, inane conversations. “tee hee, I throw like a girl.” (High,tittery voice with a lot of giggling) “I like when someone makes decisions for me.” Please. Please don’t be a quivering mass of man-pleasing flesh. The guys were no better. “No girl I know will drive in a thunderstorm.” WHAT? You must not know many girls. “My ex-girlfriend cheated on me with my best friend, and I had lost my virginity to her to boot.” Girl sympathetically replies, “What a bitch.” Many sighs.

3. The spouse. My husband is no Tigers fan. He likes Josh Hamilton. Funny how he calls Miguel Cabrera a drunk, but likes Hamilton so much. Anyway, he was noisily cheering for Texas, while mocking my Tigers all night long. Needless to say, his antics intensified when Benoit laid two eggs in the eighth. We may have had to arrange for a cab for one of us if the Tigers hadn't won on Boesch's dinger. Ha. It was all in good fun, but still. So nauseating. He can stay at home from now on. He did walk all the way around the stadium in search of cotton candy for me, though. Thanks, hon.

In all, I never complain when the night results in a W. So, these minor inconveniences faded away in the light of Boesch's towering drive (that landed about eight rows directly behind me). Thanks Brennan. I owe you one.

"Baseball is Not Unlike a War"

2011-07-23T20:57:00.006-04:00

The title of this post is a quote from Tigers great Tyrus Raymond Cobb. Ty certainly did play the game like it was a war--spiking opponents ruthlessly, spewing racial epithets, and generally pissing off the baseball world at large. Watching a small portion of Ken Burns' baseball documentary, I got to thinking about Cobb. His otherworldly stats inspire pride, but everything else about him makes even hardened convicts blush. Thankfully, the Tigers have a host of solid, good-guy Hall of Famers too, to stand in stark counterpoint to Cobb's many iniquities. Al Kaline leads the pack, qualifying as a gentleman of the highest order.

Don't get me wrong, I don't require my ball players to be choir boys. In fact, Kirk Gibson was my original Tiger. No altar boy, he. I love Gibson's fire, his drive for winning. It fueled many a clutch knock. It propelled a player that didn't have the most talent to achieve gargantuan feats on the field. Cobb, however, redefined thug. He threatened to shred a man at second if he tried to block the base. He stabbed a black hotel worker who dared to ask him for identification.

Lou Gehrig may have best embodied Cobb's contemporary antithesis. Gehrig's idea of "raising cain" was having a beer with dinner, and Gehrig had his mother travel on the train with him early in his career. Adorable.

Whatever our likes and loathings of Cobb, his statement about baseball is true. We are currently waging war in our division. It's rather telling that the Tigers are playing the Twins this weekend, and the Sox are going against the Tribe. Although today's game marked the first Twins win against us in 12 games, it is so gratifying to have had 11 straight go into the W column against the Twinks. A great satisfaction settles down over my soul. Another tight race appears to be in the cards, but if we have to participate in another Game 163, I may not survive.

On a final, but unrelated note, how funny is it that Adam Dunn is laying a giant, rotten egg for the Sox? I would like to draw your attention to the fact that I stated my marked preference for not signing Dunn last off-season. Thank you. Thank you. /bows melodramatically

Public Service Announcement

2011-07-12T17:04:00.003-04:00

You like baseball.

In fact, you are reading my site, so you probably love baseball.

You want to attend the World Series.

You want to attend the World Series for free.

You support worthy causes.

If you support a worthy cause, you could win a trip to the Fall Classic.

See what I did there?

State Farm and MLB are partnering up to support charities with the Go To Bat program. Your support of this program could earn you tickets to this year's Series.

So...

CLICK HERE, CLICK HERE, CLICK HERE!

You'll be feeling like Derek Jeter hitting a home run and going five for five to get to 3000 hits (and beyond). Getting behind a cause you probably already support and scoring seats to the best championship in all of sports is a no brainer. Just do it!

Regrets, I've Had a Few

2011-07-05T20:48:00.005-04:00

Gulp.

I'msorryRyanRaburnforcallingyouabutcherandI'msorryBrandonIngeforcallingyouarallykillerthereyougoIapologizedtwiceinarow.

On Sunday, my mother, my sister and I braved the withering sun to take in a game at the ballpark. Our seats were three rows behind the Tigers' pen. Apparently, Phil Coke made my mom's day before the game. I was elsewhere, and missed the following exchange, which my sister corroborated:

Mom: takes aim at Coke with her non-digital camera. No doubt, taking forever to center the shot, etc.

Coke: points right at my mom as she's taking the shot (I have no evidence as yet. This is a film camera, people.)

Mom: does a fist pump to Coke in a appreciation (!)

Coke: does a fist-pump/shaka combo back at her (Why do you have a film camera, mother, why, why, why? I could have posted the photo here in this post right now if you had joined the current century. [Love you mom.])

Before the game, my sister frets that this game will end in a loss, as all the games she's been to in the past several years have gone in the L column. I stoutly reassure her that we will win this game for her today (while also expressing mild concern at Porcello's recent struggles.)

In the bottom of the seventh, there we are, down 3-2, and the inning starts with a couple of easy pop-ups. More moaning from sis. Before Inge gets to the plate, I vow to stop calling him Binge if he comes through. He draws a walk, and my mom turns to me and asks "Does that count?" I waffle a little before grudgingly conceding that it does.

THEN, after another walk and an error, Mi Magglio rips a (two-outs, bases-loaded, down-a-run-late-in-the-game) two run single up the middle to give us a 4-2 lead, and we all go wild, but especially me, because after all, it is Magglio performing the heroics. Doubters, haters, "what have you done for me lately" morons, you are on notice.

Ryan Raburn moves from second to left in the eighth inning. I proceed to complain, out loud, about Raburn being a "butcher" in the field. Ryan hears me and does this. Sorrysorrysorrysorrysorry RYAN. I A-P-O-L-O-G-I-Z-E with sincere and abject groveling. You saved my dear sister from a shame spiral of self-accusation and candied almonds. She no longer believes herself to be a wretched curse upon our boys of summer. She is free to purchase tickets with impunity.

Just to shame me, Brandon Inge swats a two-run triple in the eighth. I am done. I have sanctioned myself from calling Brandon derisive names. For the second time in one sun-soaked afternoon, I found myself cooking up crow and choking it down whole. Well done, fellas, well done.

Check out the goods. We stagger out of the park, barely able to walk under all our loot--the W, a clutch knock from Magglio Ordóñez, a stretched out, wind-knocked-out-of-his lungs diving grab by Ryan Raburn, and an insurance-runs producing three-bagger from Brandon Inge. That, my friends, is why we love the game.

Rockin' Robin (tweet, tweet, twiddly deet)

2011-06-21T20:26:00.003-04:00

Sigh. In a move that shames me, I have joined Twitter. I am tweeting and following other tweeters like the lemming that I am. The reason I finally caved in to the burgeoning peer pressure is simple. I found myself wanting more Tigers news, and these days, the latest breaking stuff is on Twitter. As I dug my feet in and refused to become a part of the Twitter revolution, I secretly cheated. I would manually type the following URL into my browser: "http://twitter.com/beckjason". Then I would have to do this repeatedly, because I didn't have a Twitter account. Actually, I did have a Twitter account, I just wasn't using it. I wasn't following anyone, I wasn't tweeting, I wasn't doing anything.

So, although I am now filled with self-loathing, I have tweeted a few tweets, and followed some folks. Some cool things have come out of it, I admit that.

Anyone who joins Twitter must set prodigious goals and then brazenly publicize them.

By the end of 2011, I would like to have 20 followers.

It's ambitious to be sure, but I've never been known to shy away from a challenge. If you want to read Old English D's pedestrian rants, I mean scintillating commentary, there is a link to the right. Thank you. (?)

Who's Your All Star?

2011-06-14T21:42:00.002-04:00

It’s no secret that All Star voting is an outrageous sham. Uninformed masses stuff the ballot box with votes cast for washed up stars and players who’ve spent the majority of the season on the DL. I freely admit I don’t know everything about every player. But MLB puts all the stats right in your face on the ballot, morons. Perhaps this is a naïve idea, but I vote for the player with the best numbers. The only time I go homer is when the Tiger player has numbers that are legitimately competitive. In a close race, I vote Tigers.

Here are my selections for the 2011 All Star team. I would love to hear some of your picks.

American League

First Base

Miguel Cabrera

Yes, I realize that Paul Konerko and Adrian Gonzalez have monster numbers. Miggy’s OPS is 1.004. Gonzalez’ is .977 and Konerko’s is .953. Cabrera and Konerko have identical SLG at .563. My vote goes to the Puma. He’s one of the best players in both leagues, and deserves an All Star start.

Second Base

Robinson Cano

A little thin at second base this year. Ben Zobrist was Cano’s main competition. Hate to put a vote in for the evil empire, but I don’t controvert the numbers.

Shortstop

Asdrubal Cabrera

Sigh. I wanted to vote for Jhonny Peralta. It was pretty close, but Cabrera has 9 stolen bases to Peralta’s 0. Peralta has out-played my expectations for him. By far. As much as I wanted to, I couldn’t pull the trigger for Jhonny, although I’m happy he’s doing so well in the voting.

Third Base

Adrian Beltre

Because I can’t vote for Alex Rodriguez. Period. I have my limits. A-Rod is one of them.

Catcher

Alex Avila

The Beard is a surprise selection, but is totally deserving. Hope the kid wins a starting spot.

Designated Hitter

David Ortiz

I’m not gonna lie. I somehow did not realize that Papi has been putting together such a monster season. My ignorance shames me. But he gets my vote, so maybe that makes up for it?

Outfield

Jose Bautista

Matt Joyce

Curtis Granderson

Two former Tigers here, and it’s not because I’m harboring love. These two have got the goods.

National League

First Base

Prince Fielder

It was tough to choose between Fielder and Votto. The big fella gets the nod.

Second Base

Rickie Weeks

Dang it. I hate the Brewers. This should impress the purity of my vote upon you.

Shortstop

Jose Reyes

He’s fun to watch. I want him on the Tigers.

Third Base

Placido Polanco

Again, not just an “Always a Tiger” vote. He’s tearing it up. Happy for him. Sad for us.

Catcher

Brian McCann

Haven’t really seen him play. His numbers stand out.

Outfield

Matt Kemp

Lance Berkman

Hunter Pence

Because I like Hunter Pence. Not sure why though.

Now, may the Tigers not tank after the All Star Game this year. And here's to a two-hit complete game for Justin Verlander, and standing alone in first place!

A Trained Eye

2011-06-12T22:40:00.003-04:00

I have to share with you what may be the greatest triumph of my life. My son is eleven years old. Last year in his youth league, he hit over .700, and would've hit higher, but was called out in at least four at bats for "throwing the bat." Anyway, in two games this year, he has no hits, a bunch of strikeouts and a couple walks.

This slump was a little disconcerting, because he had been tearing the cover off the ball in early practices. He had gotten a new bat after realizing he'd outgrown last year's, so at first the bat was the subject of scrutiny. He claimed to be very comfortable with the new bat. His coach asked whether he'd had his eyes checked lately. I didn't think that was the problem either, so I started examining his at bats closely.

Drumroll, please. I would like to shout from the rooftops that I diagnosed my son's problem, and helped him fix it. I noticed he wasn't keeping his head down on the ball. We talked about it, and he nodded like he knew what I meant, but, well you know how kids are. So I walked him through a slow motion exercise in which I pretended to pitch the ball, then walked the ball toward him and showed him how he should watch his bat hit the ball. We then tossed him a few really slow pitches so that he could practice it, then took him to the cages. Ta-da!

He's not a 100% back yet. I see lapses where he is looking straight ahead the whole at bat, but with a little retraining, he'll be fine, I think. First game since my Batting Coach miracle is tomorrow, so we'll see.

I feel like I should be standing around chatting it up with big league hitting coaches at some batting conference. I am totally inebriated by my own baseball prowess. Ha. I kid. Kind of.

Let's Talk Rivalry: Detroit/Cleveland

2011-06-12T17:07:00.005-04:00

Short notice, but Old English D will be appearing on Battle of Ohio Baseball podcast tonight at 9:30 eastern time. Hosts Dave Mitchell and Mark Donahue will be talking Indians/Tigers. Tune in to hear me speak objectively about the state of Tiger baseball and the upcoming Tigers/Tribe tilt. Ha. Click the link above, and here's another just for good measure.

Old English D humiliates self all over Internet Radio

You can even call in to heckle me, so hope to hear you soon!

Don't Stop Believin'???

2011-06-10T19:45:00.008-04:00

I am feeling very conflicted about a new tradition at Comerica Park. This season, in the eighth inning, the Tigers have taken to playing Journey's "Don't Stop Believin'." Now, I have always liked Steve Perry's voice. I like the song. It transports me back to my teenage years in the 80s. Yes, I'm old. Shut up. The reason I hesitate to embrace this new-found ritual is that in 2005, "Don't Stop Believin'" was the theme song of none other than the World Series champion Chicago White Sox. Steve Perry himself even sang the song at their victory parade. After watching that, I ask you, should we be adopting a song that has been already been used by our arch enemy? Can't we be more original than that? I realize the song mentions being "born and raised in South Detroit," but noone refers to South Detroit here anyway. I like the idea of our own song for the 8th, but let's all come up with some less stale ideas.

So, Jamie Samuelson has put it out there that he feels Magglio is not deserving of a spot in the lineup. I cannot let this pass without comment. Although Magglio may not yet be 100%, and he may not be ready to pursue a batting title, I have to say that he will be an upgrade in this lineup to several current placeholders. I just don't get how people, and even mainstream media members are so quickly ready to discard a career .310 hitter. So many have stopped believin'. I will love nothing more than when Mi Magglio begins scorching the ball and muzzles these buffoons. I will demand apologies on his behalf. As a matter of fact, start lining up now. He will not disappoint.

Rod and Mario continued to be stymied by Max Scherzer's heterochromia. Mario finally read it on the air last night, but only once, and would not repeat it when Rod asked him to. Rod continues to refer to it as a "condition." It's not a medical problem with a host of symptoms and side effects. It's a trait, not a disease. Just about everyone else thinks it makes Scherzer look bad. Only you two make him out to be a freak. Sigh.

I would like to end this evening in a first place tie with Cleveland. Make it happen fellas. Thanks.

Potpourri

2011-06-08T21:55:00.005-04:00

Oh, Rod and Mario. You are the poster boys for ignorance. Our broadcasters were discussing the upcoming Max Scherzer bobble-head giveaway, and Mario wondered whether the bobble Max would have two different colored eyes like human Max has. He then went on to say that there is a fancy name for the condition, but he didn't know what it was, and Rod "aw-shucked" his way through it saying, "you know I have no shot" at what it is. Fellas, it's heterochromia, and please stop making it out to be an impenetrable mystery. The most pathetic thing was the way Rod and Mario played to the bumbling fool schtick. They are proud of their own stupidity. Nice. Do they think we intend to laud idiocy? Sigh.

Speaking of Max. Worries. Not only does he crap out at around 100 pitches and start getting tagged, he also now has issues with his slider. I'm not as worried as I would be with other pitchers, because Max seems to have the ability to identify and correct problems in his mechanics, but, you know, it's mildly concerning. Let's hope Rick Knapp and Scherzer have a quick huddle up and bullpen session that turns it all around.

Word has come down that Magglio will be staying in Toledo through the weekend to get more at bats. Generally this is a good thing, and makes perfect baseball sense and so on, but a part of me is like, NOOOOOOO, I need Mi Magglio back where he belongs. I'll be patient for the good of the team, but inside I'll be tapping my foot. Enjoy Magglio in the Marvin the Martian helmet while you can. Maybe Saturday I will have to sneak down to Fifth Third so my withdrawals can come to an end.

Finally, I must say that rooting for the Twins is a very strange thing. No, I don't mean the Minnesota Twins. My son's youth league team is the Twins. Still. Screaming, "Come on Twins!" at the top of my lungs doesn't exactly come naturally. As long as we don't have any players named Joe, Justin, Jason or Jim, I'll be ok...I think.

A Puma Pummelling

2011-06-05T22:03:00.007-04:00

I realize this is so last week, literally, but I didn't have a chance to write after the game. On Wednesday night (of last week), June 1st to be exact, my friend Nicole and I went down to the CoPa to see our boys take on the downtrodden Twins. Apparently, this year's Twins are a not a huge draw, because we were able to score two front row seats for the thrifty price of $5 per ticket. To sweeten the deal, the tickets were on eBay, and there were no service fees, processing fees, shipping fees, etc. To say I was excited may be the understatement of...last week. I love nothing more than to stop Ticketmaster and Stubhub in their grifting tracks.

Anyway, Nicole and I apparently have amazing powers to inflict injury. Wednesday was our third game of the season together, and in each game, a member of the opposition has been injured. In the first game, Josh Hamilton broke his shoulder in an awkward slide into home plate. The second game, the Yankees' Eric Chavez was our victim. He broke his foot. Yes, donations are being accepted if you have a most hated player and would like us to attend a game in which he is playing.

I can't explain it, but it's starting to feel a bit eerie. I mean, it was kind of like a joke the first two times, but I felt really badly when Thome left the game with a strained hammy. Thome is a guy that nobody hates. Noone wants to see him hurt. The guy's about to get to 600 home runs for sobbing out loud. Who wants to stop that train? He'll probably get laudatory gifts from everyone in the league when he gets his 600th jack. Geez. I would like to issue a personal apology to Jim. I meant you no harm, big fella.

Now I am conflicted, because I really want to go to the game on June 26th when the Tigers play Gibby's Diamondbacks and retire Sparky Anderson's number. I'm afraid, though. I don't really want to injure one of the Dbacks. I want Gibson to flourish as a manager. Please advise.

Enough about our hex. On to the game. Mainly, Miguel Cabrera launched a three run shot that was the game winner. This guy is just too much for the average pitcher. He cannot be stopped. I love it. I wish we could see the opposing pitcher's stream of consciousness running across the bottom of the screen when facing the Puma. It can't be pretty. Expletives laced with fear -- that would be my guess.

Brandon Inge struck out in all three of his at bats. Sigh. Although this comes as no surprise, it still disgusts. Now Binge is on the DL with mono, so everyone explains away his suck with viral malaise. I cry foul. I would be willing to bet my worthless house that he hits just above Mendoza when he gets back. Same as always. Same suck, different year.

Our seats were all the way down the third base line in the corner. Scott Pickens and some generic bullpen catcher guy came out to play catch with Don Kelly in left. A little boy came over the wall every time and asked for a ball. I told him to call out Scott Pickens' name and maybe that would help his cause. No. This poor kid tried all night to get a ball and came up empty handed. Pickens did eventually toss a ball up to a fan in a different area. Generic bullpen catcher guy was impervious to all requests. He was stonefaced and made no acknowledgement of the poor kid. Nicole and I tried to get his attention on behalf of the boy, but to no avail. Why? Why do you deny a young boy a ball? I see no valid line of reasoning here. Rude.

Delmon Young dropped a couple foul balls. It was fun. We jeered. He made this face back at us.

Papa Grande closed out the game for us in his usual fashion. Check him out as he makes his way out to the 'pen before the game. Priceless.

All photographs are the property of Nicole Maitland, and may not be used without expressed written permission.

We took two of three from the Black Sox, and are now 2.5 games back of a suddenly scuffling Cleveland. Smile.

Bad Weather Leads to Outlandish Sentiments

2011-05-25T23:55:00.008-04:00

Rainout. It's a dirty word in my book. Postponements are loathsome. You see, fans go out to the ballpark expecting baseball, and what they get is....wet. Soggy, flooding downpours that make it difficult to see ten feet in front of you. Cold, sodden jeans that refuse to dry out. It's a misery. In this Spring-that-never-was, we Tiger faithful have endured more than our fair share of rainouts. Very disturbing.

Another thing I find unsettling is this Brandon Inge/Don Kelly situation. I won't call it a platoon as yet, because it's only happened a couple times. Binge is scuffling at the plate (as per usual--will you idiots who claim he will do better this season year after forsaken year please stifle yourselves and accept him as Mendoza???) Our alternative to Binge??? Don Kelly. I call him Donkey. It's not a compliment. Who can accept either of these two stiffs in the lineup? There is no lesser evil here. It's fail on the one hand, and incompetence on the other.

I'm not gonna name names and subject anyone to jeers and catcalls here (though public humiliation should be the penance for expressing that affront to sane people everywhere), but someone told me he/she felt sorry for Inge today. What in the name of balls and strikes?? I just....No. There's no pitying someone who is batting .208 with one home run, 36 whiffs and 12 RBI. This guy deserves to stockpile gigantic splinters in his derierre.

I would love to speak about other Tigerly things, but my basement looks like Lake Havasu, and I've got to board a plane to Atlantic City to appear in a Jersey Shore episode. So enjoy your holiday weekend, and may the Tigers put some holes in the Sox.

A Pretty Penny

2011-05-15T14:23:00.004-04:00

Wow. I went to the park yesterday for my Mother's Day present. I thought we might be in for a bit of a disappointment after Justin Verlander followed up his no-hitter with eight innings of two-hit ball.

Not so fast, Miss Debbie Downer. Let us not denigrate Mr. Brad Penny. All he did was go eight strong, allowing five measly hits and ZERO runs. Penny did get multiple assists in the form of dazzling defensive plays. It was fun. Winning is fun. Shutouts are fun. Watching Papa Grande celebrate the final out was more than fun, it was grande. Everything he does is grande.

I had a lot of stars in my scorecard yesterday. Stars denote a particularly nice play. Brandon Inge went a few rows into the stands to snare a pop foul off the bat of Brayan Pena. In the fourth, Casper Wells saved a run after Billy Butler doubled. He made a nice sliding catch off a Francoer flare that threatened to shoot the gap. Then on the very next play, Austin Jackson ran down a deep Eric Hosmer shot to straightaway center. In the seventh, Scott Sizemore made a diving stop on a Billy Butler grounder that was "sure" to get through the infield. These flashes of leather made me smile. I'll bet Brad Penny smiled himself to sleep last night.

Jhonny Peralta got his 1000th hit in the sixth inning on a double over Alex Gordon's head in left-center. He got a nice ovation, but didn't seem to want any fanfare over the moment. He calmly called for time to remove his shin guard instead of tipping his cap to the crowd.

Today's game has been postponed due to the relentless rain. Boo. What is a person to do with her afternoon when it's raining outside and there's no baseball on? Guess I'll knit a throw blanket in the shape of the Old English D. Sigh.

Pants on Fire

2011-05-13T13:50:00.003-04:00

Rod and Mario, I have a bone to pick with you. Early on in Monday's game, the two of you were discussing how Toronto is being careful with young Brandon Morrow's arm, and you then went on to say that it's the same way the Tigers are careful with Justin Verlander's arm.

Luckily I didn't have a mouth full of, well, anything, because it all would have come spewing out after hearing a "star-spangled, triple decked, gold-plated lie" like that one. (And if you know where that quote is from without looking it up, I'd love to hear from you.)

I am sorry, but we all know that Verlander's arm is abused until it's about to fall off almost every game. He threw 127 pitches in six innings just last week for sobbing out loud. We should just be thanking Ty Cobb's lucky spikes that Verlander has durability as the main component in his body composition. He hasn't been on the DL in the bigs. He hasn't missed a start since his rookie season.

Let us be honest with ourselves ok? The Tigers were careful with Porcello's arm his rookie season. In his last outing (the one before yesterday's hail-delayed affair), he threw 120 pitches over seven innings. Not exactly kid gloves for Kid Rick. I don't mind a little homer in my announcers, but I want the truth, not this steaming pile of guano. I will say this, it didn't sound like they really even knew they were feeding us a line of nitrite-ridden meat by-product. Rod and Mario aren't calculating enough to cook up a lie like that and sell it like it's a tasty treat. I think they believed what they were saying! Who's been washing their brains?

I can't believe they didn't burst out into uproarious guffaws after hearing the words come out of their own mouths. "Just kidding folks, we know that our club famously abuses young arms. Just having a little fun with you there."

To be fair, Rod Allen did school me later in that game or in one of the games from the last couple days. During a Miguel Cabrera at-bat, the Puma fouled off a pitch. No big deal, routine stuff right? Not so fast, says Rod. He explained that he could tell that Miggy was looking for a specific pitch, got something totally different, and still put wood on it. He was quite impressed that his swing didn't look completely awkward and he broke the whole thing down in x-mo. Quite educational, and it's not something I would have picked up on.

Just don't let the organization put the Vulcan mind meld on you, 'k fellas? I mean, next time you might find yourselves telling us how Little Caesars pizza is the epitome of epicurean delight, coming to us straight from Tuscany.

No No Redux

2011-05-07T20:23:00.001-04:00

Justin Verlander.

Wonder Twin Powers Activate!

2011-05-06T19:40:00.011-04:00

So, my friend Nicole sponsored a trip to the CoPa yesterday (thank you!), and a few strange adventures occurred. First of all, it was such a beautiful day. The sun was out, there was not a cloud in the sky, and I even needed to apply SUNSCREEN. You must recognize that this beautiful day was an aberration of eric proportions for this Spring-that-never-was. It was glorious.

Get a load of this. The first game that Nicole and I attended this year was on April 12. At this game, Josh Hamilton broke his shoulder sliding into home on that notorious play. This time, Eric Chavez broke his foot sliding into third. Coincidence? I think not! We obviously have the mysterious power to fracture bones of the opposition with our very presence at the park. We were thinking that we should be sure to attend a White Sox game next.

It was Paws' 16th birthday celebration (sigh). I'm not gonna lie to you. Mascots creep me out. I spent the day trying to avoid the myriad mascot representatives that were brought in for the festivities. We had a close call by the escalators, but I managed to escape without being accosted. Muddy and Muddona were there from the Hens, the Pirates' Parrot, Sparty, and some really scary looking clown were there among some mercenaries like the Bell Tire tire and the Comcast remote (come on). Paws got a new car driven out by his father! See photo evidence below. All photos in this post are courtesy of Nicole Maitland and may not be reused without expressed written permission.

Nicole is a big Will Rhymes fan. She was none too pleased with Flea getting pushed out of the big club by Mr. Sizemore. She has begun a grass-roots campaign with the slogan "Bring Back Will." She vows to send this cryptic message to Jim Leyland himself every day until Rhymes regains his footing in the bigs. Needless to say, her slogan got a lot of play yesterday, since Sizemore whiffed three times.

I have found the one person in the world who does not like Curtis Granderson. Nicole insisted on calling him Traitor throughout the game, despite my protests that he didn't ask to be traded. She wished a lousy performance on poor little CJ, with mixed results. Curtis was one for three, with a single, walk and a strikeout. I felt bad for Grandy. He didn't really deserve to be bad-mouthed like that.

Boesch had himself quite a day at the plate, single, home run, three RBI. He also reached base on one of the THREE Yankee errors. Funny stuff. I take anything the other team gives me. Sloppy play? Yes, I take it. If you want to turn the game into bush league stuff, I am happy to oblige.

Burnett had a no-hitter going into the sixth, but we promptly jinxed it up by mentioning it loudly and repeatedly, and generally acting like idiots. It worked, so don't question our methods. Thank you. We did fool a guy sitting next to us. He looked over and asked if we were Yankee fans. We laughed and said no. He later realized we were serious fans and discussed some baseball matters with us. He and his girlfriend left early to "beat traffic." Might want to just catch it on FSN next time, my friends. Why bother hauling it all the way to park to bail before the game is over? I'm sorry. That's stupid.

Kid Rick was not at his best, but managed to eke a quality start out of it, and Jim Leyland ran him out there for the seventh after he had already thrown 106 pitches! I was agape, and terrified. It worked out fine, however, and my fears were unwarranted...I guess. The outing ended up with Porcello throwing a career high 120 pitches. /shudders

Finally, some guy dove into the Yankee dugout during the game and was promptly jumped on and pinned down until a phalanx of security arrived to escort the guy to Tigers jail. I've already written once about how Joe Girardi is an emotionless automaton, but Nicole checked ESPN's account of the incident during the game and it said that Girardi did not appear to have much of a reaction. Big surprise. The guy's a droid, I am convinced.

The Magic Is Gone?

2011-04-28T21:56:00.003-04:00

I have failed you in a tragically catastrophic way. Wednesday night, I braved certain rain showers to attend the game. I felt confident that Justin Verlander would put down a stellar performance. I even hinted that he might touch greatness again. I had a “feeling” about it. I never doubted my ability to bring home a win for the club. I’ve never been more wrong.

What in the name of balls and strikes happened here? Verlander threw exactly 100 pitches over five innings, and went on to pitch the sixth for a total of 114. He gave up a three run homer to Justin Smoak in the first inning. Why did we even pitch to Smoak? Cust is scuffling so badly right now. Sigh. Justin wasn’t horrific, but he wasn’t spectacular as I somehow mistakenly felt he might be.

The rain. It was almost plague-like. It would come down lightly for ten minutes, then taper off. Then I’d just take of my rain jacket hood for five minutes, and down she’d come again, sometimes picking up in intensity for short periods, but never lasting too long. Relentless, she reappeared again and again. I have to give it up to the fans, though. It wasn’t a large crowd, but hardly anyone left (until the wheels came off and we gave up six runs in the 9^th, then it was mass exodus.) I was duly impressed with the hardiness of those in attendance. It was no fair weather bunch.

Although I’d like to blame the rain for my inefficacy, I can’t do it. It would be a cop out. Thankfully, I have a proper scapegoat. I invited Rogo of DesigNate Robertson to join me at the park, but was brutally rebuffed. He said something about Lost reruns, or watching birds eat vomit or something. Loser. He should be the target of your ire. If he had been there, Justin would never have given up a three-run homer to Smoak. Never woulda happened. Yes, I am selling it, and you are buying. Would you prefer me to provide details of the meltdown from the top of the ninth? Didn't think so.

The Other Guys

2011-04-23T21:11:00.004-04:00

I was driving home from the Fort Wayne Children's Zoo today when the game started. The only station I could find that had the game on was (gasp!) a Sox station. Hey, I was just happy to have a feed at that point. Ed Farmer and Darrin Jackson are the Sox' radio guys. It was actually quite enlightening to listen to the game from the opposition's point of view.

Farmer and Jackson were (rightfully) incredulous about Brad Penny's weight as listed in the media guide. He's listed at 6'4", 230 pounds. Both agreed that 250 is more like it. They also said it "looked about right" that Penny is from Oklahoma. These cracks were mild and no laughs were had (on air) at Penny's expense, but they were duly noted by yours truly. I am happy to go behind enemy lines to dig up dirt and report back to you.

As the game wore on with Brad Penny throwing a no-hitter, the Sox guys felt the need to downplay his performance a bit. They said that there were some hittable pitches in there, and the Sox players just weren't hitting them. I guess there's probably truth to that. They did admit that Penny had thrown a few very nice pitches here and there. The funny thing is, that when I started to lose the Sox station, and tuned in to a Detroit broadcast, Dan and Jim said Penny was brilliant. I guess we're all homers.

The other notable characteristic of the Sox broadcasters was that they were very intent on telling the listener what pitch Edwin Jackson should be throwing next and why. For example, they said that with the count at 3-2, and having just thrown a slider out of the strike zone, you better come right back with that same pitch, because it's the last pitch the hitter will think you're throwing. This went on pretty much the whole time I was listening, which was through the fifth inning.

Overall, I found the Sox broadcasters to be boring. I wouldn't want to listen to them over 162 games.

Now, I must say that today's game was all kinds of fun from the Detroit perspective. A no hitter into the sixth, Tigers hits all 'round, I got something to write about (even if I had to make a run into enemy territory to do it), and a 9-0 shutout, and EIGHT IN A ROW TAKEN FROM THE EVIL SOX! Triumph, plain and simple.

A Herald for the Unheralded

2011-04-19T20:00:00.003-04:00

During last night's game, I mean during today's early morning game, Jose Valverde had finished his warmups and was kind of just standing around, warming his hands, waiting for the top of the ninth to end. The camera zeroed in on Papa Grande several times, and each time, standing next to him in his gear, was bullpen catcher Scott Pickens. You may have missed this because it was after 1:30 am Eastern Time. I am currently evaluating my own sanity after staying up. It was worth it, don't get me wrong, but today I am like the walking undead.

I have always been intrigued by the bullpen catcher. When I first became aware of the existence of the position, I had many questions I needed answered. Is this person on the roster? (No.) Is he on the coaching staff? (No.) How is his position defined? (Non-roster personnel.) How much does he make? (The Wall Street Journal states that most make less than $60,000 per year, and many much less. Many supplement their incomes with other jobs in the off-season, and the Diamondback's bp catcher Jeff Motuzas does many strange feats for money--like eating contests and Jackass-style stunts.)

Also, I kept thinking, this must be one of the coolest jobs on the planet! You get to be at the ball park at all times. (I must ask you, is there anything better than being at the ball park? Many of my waking hours are spent scheming up ways to be at the ball park more often.) You are working with the players. You are seeing every game up close and personal. You are important. You throw batting practice. You get to play catch with pitchers. You tell them if their arm slots are consistent.

Detroit bullpen catcher Scott Pickens was personally selected by Magglio Ordóñez and Brandon Inge to pitch to them during their respective appearances in the All Star Game's Home Run Derby. Is this not all kinds of awesome?

Now, I may well be romanticizing this position, and the bullpen catchers may feel underpaid and unsung, and they may tell us it's a whole lot of grunt work for minor ducats. They may be afflicted by the unflinching reality that they weren't good enough to make the major leagues as a "real" catcher. I don't know. But I do know that I find bullpen catchers supremely cool.

The Trauma Chronicles

2011-04-18T18:13:00.005-04:00

Sigh. Joel Zumaya has been moved to the 60 day disabled list. The only good news here is that a spot on the 40-man roster is freed up. Poor Zoom is simply doomed to be hurt....all...the...time. It would be so wrenching to see him join Mark Fidrych in the hall of fabulous flameouts. I hope that doesn't happen to Joel. He might not handle it as well as The Bird did. Not many would.

Carlos Guillen has NOT resumed baseball activities. Thank you for that bit of disheartening news, Rick Eymer. I feel like sobbing now. Kevin Rand says he's working on strength and movement, and IS NOT READY for baseball activities. I guess it's not surprising. A much younger Grady Sizemore had microfracture surgery in June and is just now coming back. Carlos just had surgery in mid-September 2010. Also, to put everyone further into a dark cloud, is Carlos going to have the lateral movement needed to play second base when he is cleared to return???? Think of the young gun Scott Sizemore coming off ankle surgery last year. He could not move right. What makes us think that Guillen, who is old in baseballian years, can do better?

Ryan Perry is recovering from a strange eye infection and secondary corneal damage (due to him rubbing his eye like a two-year old). A course in fundamental medical principles should be required for our ball players, people. They have plenty of down time during travel. Just hire someone to do presentations on the team plane. Be sure to follow up with quizzes, and require passing grades. Anyone who fails will not be permitted to partake of team subsidized snacks during games. That's right, no giant gum balls, no sunflower seeds, no Big League Chew. Yeah, I'm one tough cookie.

Victor Martinez has a gimpy groin and will not catch tonight, for sure, says Skip. Possible DH. Um, yeah, I would think that squatting with a bad groin would be......a very delicate matter. Let us hope together with all our collective powers that this is not a lingering thing.

Magglio Ordóñez' ankle fills up with fluid periodically, and is often sore-ish. These things make me very uncomfortable. This is my Tiger. I want him to excel always. His defense is already oft maligned. Now his ankle is very sensitive and prone to being irritated. No. Not. Good.

I would like to encourage the establishment of a M.B.S.H. unit for our Tigers. They appear to need it very much. Besides, I always loved Hawkeye and Trapper.

42

2011-04-15T19:19:00.003-04:00

Today is Jackie Robinson Day. It's a day I'm very excited about, but it's hard to express something meaningful without sounding clichéd or sappy. My son is reading a biography of Jackie Robinson right now. I am hoping it impacts his view of baseball, because after attending a baseball camp last fall in which he was the only African-American kid, he told me "baseball's a white kid's sport." I tried to tell him it's not. I recited a laundry list of black players in MLB today. But the truth is the number of African-Americans in baseball has been declining for a long time. It's good to see programs like Reviving Baseball in Inner Cities (RBI) and companies in the Detroit area funding urban youth baseball. I can only hope my son will stay with baseball, because I absolutely love going to his games.

How can you quantify someone being willing to endure slurs and worse hurled at him not only fans, but players as well? I'm not that strong. I know it. He's not the only brave one. He was just the first. Many other qualified players were denied membership in the elitest of clubs, the Major Leagues. Others got in only during the twilight of their careers, and never got to show the country the true measure of their talent.

I'm glad there is a Negro Leagues Museum to provide a showcase for these players who went largely unrecognized in their time. I'm glad that the league has Negro Leagues weekend each year. Seeing the Detroit Stars uniforms always stirs me up.

I'm sorry I can't be more eloquent on the subject, but I think a lot of people have similar feelings. Let's remember together.

Did I Stutter?

2011-04-12T18:36:00.004-04:00

I hope you had faith in me. I delivered. Indeed. I am not smug or full of braggadocio. No, I am just happy to back up yesterday's promise. We needed this W. Badly. I'm just happy to be here, glad I could help the ball club.

When Victor Martinez drove Ryan Raburn home in the fourth on a sac fly, a young fan in our section calmly said, "Ha ha, Texas." It was so great. In fact, it's my new catch phrase.

Brad Penny, in a Tigers uni, has not inspired the highest levels of confidence. Today, I'm not gonna lie, some balls were hit hard. In particular, a potential three-run shot by Michael Young had to be reeled in by the Rhino in an against-the-wall-over-the-fence effort. Whew. A one-run sac fly was a happy result under the circumstances, folks. After a rocky, but ultimately one-run sixth, I thought Penny was through. No way Leyland would put him back out there. WRONG! Groans were audible all over our section when Penny took the hill for the seventh. It seemed like tempting fate too much. Penny got Torrealba to ground out, then gave up a single to Moreland, and got Moreland on a fielder's choice. Leyland finally brought the hook, and Villareal came out of the pen. All he did was pick Borbon off first before throwing a single pitch! Spectacular. Stupendous!

Then Benoit had to make things queasy by giving up the tying run in the eighth. Granted, it was his first run allowed this season in five appearances, but it did lead to consternation. Let us revert back to the clean inning from now on, Joaquin.

After Victor Martinez drew a walk in the Tigers half of the eighth, he was lifted for pinch runner Don Kelly. Rangers' reliever Strop threw over to first at least twenty times in an attempt to hold Kelly on, but he STOLE THE BASE ANYWAY! HA HA TEXAS! Sadly, Boesch and Peralta K'd right after that to kill the rally.

In a show of confidence, Leyland had Valverde pitch the top of the ninth, and he gave up a quick single, but then got a flyout and a double play to face the minimum three batters. Thank you Papa Grande for not breaking our spirits by giving up run(s).

Now, the Tigers' ninth was like a little story book. Inge ignored my mutterings about his strikeouts and produced a leadoff single. Avila laid down a beauty of a sac bunt to advance him. Jackson walks. Santiago strikes out. RABURN DRAWS A WALK TO LOAD THE BASES FOR CABRERA, I DEFY YOU TO SCRIPT A SCENARIO BETTER THAN THAT!! Bases juiced, two outs, bottom of the ninth, club on a skid. You know the fairy tale ending. Miguelito laced a single through the left infield to lift us to a walk-off win. A little tear of happiness rolled down my cheek, and my friend and I high fived our way out of the park. Too perfect.

I hope you realize now that I can be trusted to bring a halt to losing streaks. Count on me throughout this season to deliver a win when it's needed most.

HA HA Texas!

In Which Hand-Wringing Begins in Earnest

2011-04-11T16:20:00.004-04:00

So, our offensive impotency is beginning to make me cranky. To be sure, Jim Leyland's addled lineup cards may have something to do with it, but our big boys have been up in clutch situations and failed to produce. Now, my brow furrows, my face darkens, and a funk settles down over my household.

Well I can see I am just going to have to stop fretting and do something about this situation myself. Tomorrow, I am heading down to Comerica Park. I will be there as the gates open. I will align myself with the baseball gods during batting practice. You can put me down now as guaranteeing a win. Yes, I am tempting fate, but how could she be any worse to us than she's been so far?? I am going to will us to win tomorrow. Sheer will, folks. That's what I bring to the table. Well, that and a whole lot of frenzied screaming.

Jim Leyland can bat Will Rhymes leadoff again tomorrow if he wants to, but I stand by my guarantee. He can drop Peralta down in the lineup again, even though he's been hitting the ball very well. We are going to win. He can run Brad Thomas out there for all I care. Put tomorrow's game in the W column. Brad Penny is tomorrow's starter for sobbing out loud, and here I am making a covenant with victory.

In case you doubt my powers, I have an excellent track record. Last year, the Tigers went 9-3 in games I attended. The year before, they won 18 of 22. Clearly, I am a charmed individual. I will turn this ship around. You have my word on it.

Objectification

2011-04-07T21:40:00.004-04:00

Why do the powers that be in sports assume that only males are interested? Why is every commercial full of scantily clad women? Why does FSN use a sexy girl dolled up in some Tigers gear for its segues? I must protest. There are a lot of women who love ball. I am one of them. Do I want to watch bimbos during every break from play?

I'm gonna have to give you a big fat no on that one. Could we strip (pun intended) the chauvinism out of sports please? I mean, it's only 2011. Sigh. /kicks wall, stubs toe, refuses to cry out in pain

Anyway, I'm done with that topic. If I were to say anything else, I wouldn't trust myself to be rational and cool-headed. I was already going on tilt, so I will simply shut my mouth on the subject.

I must tell you that I called Jackson's RBI double tonight. I said he would get off the schneid moments before he swatted the ball (as my husband was deriding him for having a .174 batting average). I was right. Yes, you may bring offerings and gifts. Season tickets, for example, are always a tasteful choice.

Our pitching, outside of Justin Verlander's sparkling outing last night, has left much to be desired. Brad Penny will soon draw catcalls and jeers. Relievers are allowing runners to circle the bases at a dizzying rate. I was concerned about a few areas, but this...this is not pleasing. Let us hope that the healing properties of Comerica Park turn these fellows around.

Alex Avila. Early MVP Candidate

2011-04-06T23:19:00.006-04:00

Tonight Alex Avila had a career game. He had 5 RBI, the most in his career. He STOLE A BASE. He had a home run and a double. His nomination has been filed. Just when Tigers fans were ready to start calling for Victor Martinez and his weak arm to get behind the dish, Avila steps up and says, "put the breaks on that freight train."

I jest, of course. Avila just had one good game. The first good game he's had in......a while. Do I hope he keeps this up? Um, does Justin Verlander wear his pants too tight? Do I think he will? Um, is Miguel Cabrera going to steal 40 bases this year? This is not a breakout moment for Alex. Maybe tonight will give him a little confidence boost, however, and allow him to relax and stop pressing.

Our ace had his stuff tonight, my friends. His curveball was falling off the table. I was so nervous going in, because last I read, he hadn't fully recovered from food poisoning. How could he pitch if he couldn't keep food down? Those concerns were quickly swept aside as Justin had a perfect game going into the fourth.

Victor Martinez and Miguel Cabrera went back to back tonight. Vmart kind of needed that. He hadn't been putting together the best at bats. I can confirm that it is impossible not to smile when you see back-to-back jacks. It's a physiological fact.

The other night, I nearly jinxed the game twice by smiling. I smiled first when the Puma hit his second home run of the game. I was chided for being happy, the Yanks proceeded to put runs on the board, and I vowed not to smile again until we put one in the W column. Then Austin Jackson made me lose my resolve by making an outrageous catch. I'm sorry, my mouth mutinied. When Papa Grande began to falter in the 9th, I knew it was my fault. You have my pledge that I will try to hold smiling at bay when games are in progress. Funny, I used to scoff at superstition. Now, I am a solemn adherent. Baseball's funny that way.

Will our home opener never arrive? The season seems artificial until our boys come home and christen the CoPa. Things hardly seem underway until I get to the park for my first game. Those games I've been watching on TV seem rather like elaborate video games. It's time for home whites and the Old English D.

Bring Out the Slop Trough

2011-04-02T21:23:00.003-04:00

Today's loss was marred by play so sloppy, I had to turn my head in repulsion multiple times. Rhymes threw a ball so wild, we were left wondering whether first base was his intended target. Brad Thomas and Alex Avila looked like keystone cops after neither went after a ball hit weakly down the first base line. They stood there looking at each other like a couple of stiffs. Austin Jackson had a ball go off his glove for an error. Penny had no command, so he looked sloppy as well, and his line showed it. My overall impression of our team today? Bush league.

Mark Teixeira has hit two three-run blasts off us in two days. He can pluck my chin hairs. When he stands in the batter's box, he has an expression on his face like he's smelling rotten eggs. I guess I can't argue with results, however. Jerk.

Joe Buck and Tim McCarver are Tweedle-Dee and Tweedle-Dum. Their attempts at banter were painfully unfunny. I'm as annoyed with them as I was with the ESPN crew. It's a shame that I couldn't just turn off the sound on my tv and listen to the radio, but radio feeds are not synced these days. I found myself pining so strongly for Ernie Harwell. I need to hear his voice.

To cheer you up, I share that the Twins are also 0-2, so things could be worse. To panic you, the White Sox are 2-0. We're two games out of first. Cellar dwellers. Ha.

Tomorrow, we place our fragile baseball hearts in Max Scherzer's hands. I don't know about him, but I've got a big chip on my shoulder right now. Beat the Yanks or bust.

I'll Take Do-overs for a Thousand, Alex

2011-03-31T19:36:00.004-04:00

Opening Day has finally arrived! The one sure harbinger of Spring, the coda to an ugly winter, the promise of summer is here today. The usual fanfare was absent for me, because I had to work. The holiday feel was missing. This country ought to declare Opening Day a national holiday, command workplaces to shutter their doors, and allow baseball to take its proper place on the center stage of our consciousness. A Sirius radio station that was playing at my job did sprinkle in various clubs' baseball songs, and that did warm my heart a little.

The disappointment spiral continued when I got off work. I was in time to see the latter third of the game, and, um, was not impressed. Verlander's pitch count climbed to dizzying heights, and when I saw 118 I got trigger finger for the panic button. Tigers relievers struggled to throw strikes, and the results were like "pow!" Grandy launched a blast that struck the innermost chamber of every Tiger fan's heart. To see him frolic in the dugout in pinstripes, ugh, it was scalding to my eyeballs. Wild pitches led to baserunners advancing and scoring, and I found myself writhing with worry as the count repeatedly went 3-0.

I kept telling myself not to get all twisted. It's one game. One of 162. Don't be a fool. Histrionics would be childish. Don't act like some fangirl whose emotions are tossed about with every pitch.

Here's the problem. I found myself in a genuine funk. I hate losing in the Bronx. I loathe feeling overmatched by the Yanks. Moreover, I felt like we had prepared well in Spring Training. I was ready for us to come charging out of the gate, not faltering and falling short.

Sigh. Shake it off. Implement the buddy system. Hang out with someone who clings to the positive, like how Justin Verlander threw a change with wicked movement to strike out Jorge Posada to end the sixth and how Ryan Raburn made a spectacular diving catch to shut my mouth about his shoddy defense.

Let's change the subject. Rogo of DesigNate Robertson invited me to play over/under with him. Get your minds out of the gutter, people. We predicted results in various statistical categories. Check out our sooth-saying here, and use it for your sports betting. Rogo just read all my answers and copied them, but give it a look just the same.

Every Sports Plot in New York (ESPN)

2011-03-29T20:53:00.007-04:00

I am biased toward the Motor City Bengals. I don't bury my allegiance. When it comes to our boys of summer, my ability to deal impartially may be impaired. I do attempt to be honest in my evaluation of the Tigers, but I'm sure many times I play the part of the homer. However, this blog is titled "Old English D." I'm supposed to have a slant. It's implied, it's obvious, it's assumed. I didn't set out to provide nonpartisan coverage of Major League Baseball.

The Entertainment and Sports Programming Network purports to be an independent, national media outlet. Someone must have forgotten to inform Sean McDonough, Rick Sutcliffe and Aaron Boone. This trio worked today's Yankees/Tigers spring finale. I knew the game was on ESPN, but I had to keep checking to make sure my television wasn't tuned to SNY.

When the Tigers were batting, the talk was all about the Yankee defense at EACH AND EVERY POSITION. When the Yankees came to the plate, dialogue remained NY-centric. Jeter lost the big stride, he'll be shortening his swing this year. Then came a dramatic rundown of the big "controversy" about him possibly not hitting leadoff this season. A-Rod dropped weight, and is in incredible shape. Really, we're still talking about someone being in the "best shape of his life" at this stage of Spring Training??? Swisher just got married, they hope he's not wearing his ring while batting.....I'm getting a migraine just recounting this swill.

Then there was the pronunciation of Tiger players' names. It was "Joe-ELL" Zumaya, and Fu-Te "Naa." I have heard many broadcasters say that they get proper pronunciations for players before the game, and even practice saying the names correctly. Such trivial details are not on the radar for our eminent professionals.

I get that Aaron Boone played for the Yankees. It was only for one year of his career, but he did have the ALCS game seven home run against the Red Sox, which cemented him, no doubt, as a "Yankee for Life." Not sure why former Cubs pitcher Sutcliffe would be all over the Bronx Bombers, but perhaps Boone has threatened to call him "Tricky Dick" on the air unless he toes the Yankee line. Sean McDonough has obviously been through ESPN's New York brain-washing process, and would never speak more than two words at a time about another team.

Maybe I'm just at the end of my rope. Maybe I can't handle two more days without regular season ball. Maybe I'm cranky because the mercury hasn't hit 40 all week. But maybe, just maybe ESPN believes that the New York Yankees are the only team that anyone in the country cares about. I would encourage you to let the esteemed network know that there are actually twenty nine other teams that exist, one of them in the same city (gasp!) as the players who wear pinstripes.

This, That and an Abomination

2011-03-23T21:34:00.008-04:00

This afternoon, I was watching an episode of Baseball Tonight I had recorded, and I heard a very funny quote attributed to Red Sox third baseman Kevin Youkilis. He reportedly said he's glad to be playing third base instead of first, because it's "a less social area." Make of this what you will. Here's my interpretation: "I hate making bleeping small talk with those jerks I play against," or "Now I won't get beat up by Rick Porcello any more." Kidding, but it did make me laugh.

I hadn't heard much about Jose Valverde lately, so I had to take a little looky loo at his spring numbers. In eight innings, Papa Grande has the following line:

1.13 ERA, 4 hits, 4BB, 4K, 1.00 WHIP, .154 batting average against

Good to know our closer is on track. Would be nice to see him cut down a little on the walks, but he's not getting hit around, that's for sure. /claps hands and longs for Opening Day

I'm sure you say this as often as I do, but "WHAT IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE?" Specifically, what is wrong with T.J. Simers of the LA Times? What would make him launch such a mean-spirited attack on Marcus Thames of all people? Did his significant other just run away with his best friend and send him a video of them being "intimate" together? Did his beloved pet (and only friend) just die? Sadly, I don't think either is the case. Simers has a reputation for being a bit of a slimy provocateur. Craig Calcaterra of NBC's Hardball Talk says that Simers' regular MO is to "insult, bait and pester a given Dodgers or Angels player and hope against hope that they’ll spout off in anger so that he can print a juicy quote and follow it up with his 'man, what’s his problem'?" Is your writing and reporting talent so non-existent that you resort to such tactics? Thankfully, Rogo of Designate Robertson has shredded Simers on our behalf. Please read it. It will help to diffuse your righteous indignation.

In closing, I would like to shout from my rooftop that Opening Day is now only eight days away. Our home opener is only sixteen days away, and my first game is only twenty days away. Happy face.

Linkage, Linkarama, Linkmania

2011-03-17T19:35:00.005-04:00

I got nothin'. Seriously. It's two weeks until Opening Day. I might die before then. I started reading a novel about the suffrage movement in 1917 to stave off fatal boredom/insanity. Luckily, it's a good read so far. In case you're in the same boat I am, here are some good Tiger reads to keep you from resorting to watching toddler's beauty pageants.

Alli from No Run Support has been in Lakeland. She is a fantastic photographer, and has some great shots of our boys in the Old English D.

Rogo of DesigNate Robertson imagines how Miguel Cabrera is spending St. Patty's Day. His mind is frightening, I know. I've been encouraging him to seek the help he so desperately needs.

Samara over at Roar of the Tigers demonstrates that everyone is in love with Victor Martinez. I think every Detroit fan will try to hug him at some point this season.

Try to make it through the next two weeks. I'll be right there with you, fighting the fatal throes of withdrawals, feening for the sights, sounds and smells of Comerica Park. Play ball!

Miscellany

2011-03-13T12:42:00.005-04:00

Lynn Henning writes that Brad Thomas has had a good spring. He attributes the stellar play in part to adjusting to the smoother surface on baseballs in MLB, as opposed to those used in Korea, where he played before returning to American ball last season. The smoother baseballs led to Thomas' breaking ball having reduced spin last season, which made it more hittable. With some grip modifications, Thomas' breaking pitch's effectiveness has been restored.

It's always reassuring to find out that there was a concrete reason for a player's struggles. It's much preferred to the mysterious disappearance of skill, because something can be done about it. I'm glad to see that Thomas did identify the issue, and was able to make corresponding adjustments.

Speaking of the mysterious erosion of baseball ability, Dontrelle Willis is a non-roster invitee for the Cincinnati Reds this Spring. He is fighting for a bullpen spot, and not a place in the starting rotation. He had a bit of a setback in his last outing, walking two, and giving up two hits and two runs in only 1/3 of an inning, before rolling his ankle trying to back up home plate (possibly stepping on a bat). Previously, however, he had two very solid outings of two scoreless innings each. For more on Willis' Spring, click here. He's feeling confident and comfortable, and Cincinnati may have a spot for him as an innings-eater in the 'pen.

If you watched the Tigers game that was televised on ESPN on March 3, you may remember Bobby Valentine saying that Brennan Boesch is battling Ryan Raburn for the starting left-field job. Uh, did he pull that out of his baseball cap, because Jim Leyland has asserted all along that the starting job is Raburn's. Now, maybe Valentine hallucinated the whole thing, and maybe he misspoke and meant that Boesch is battling for a roster spot. That he is, and playing pretty well (in the small sample size thus far). In fact, that outfield reserve position has quite a few contestants. Casper Wells and Clete Thomas are also hopefuls. I'm not including Don Kelly, because he is pretty much assured a spot as utility guy and emergency catcher. Let's take a look at how Boesch, Wells, and Thomas are playing so far.

Boesch .333/.459/.467/.926 over 10 games and 30 AB

Thomas .321/.355/.357/.712 over 12 games and 28 AB

Wells .391/.533/.783/1.316 over 11 games and 23 AB

To begin, we have way too little data to go on thus far. It's just a little snapshot, and doesn't mean much. Wells is probably out of luck, because Boesch and Thomas are both lefties, of which this lineup is short. He would have to sustain his current raking over the remainder of Spring Training and play out of his mind on defense as well to beat out the pair of left-handers. I think that if Boesch and Thomas end with similar lines, Boesch will probably get the spot, since the club may want to see if he can play like he did the first half of next year. Thomas can play all three outfield spots, but so can Don Kelly (sort of), who is already pretty much a lock. Who do you want to see snagging the outfield reserve roster spot?

The Sparky Patch

2011-03-07T20:00:00.005-05:00

As we all know, the Tigers will be wearing this patch to honor Sparky Anderson during the 2011 baseball season.

I got to wondering today whether the Reds would be sporting a Sparky patch this season as well. But of course. Here is their patch.

I like ours better. Call me biased.

Anyway, I'm glad Sparky is getting all proper respect. He deserves it, and the retiring of his number is way overdue, and it's so pathetic that it wasn't done while he was still alive. It's like the Tigers are admitting they were wrong, and are living with regret over the whole thing.

I was hoping that the Tigers would continue to wear an Ernie patch this season, since a partial season hardly seems enough to honor true Tigers royalty such as Ernie Harwell.

Anyway, Sparky, we love you, we miss you, and we thank you for 1984.

A Righteous Crusade

2011-02-27T15:03:00.005-05:00

Justine Siegal realized a life-long ambition this week. Actually, watch how she lived the dream twice. Siegal threw batting practice for both the Cleveland Indians and the Oakland A's. It's believed she's the first woman ever to throw batting practice in MLB. While fulfilling a personal goal was a huge part of the experience, Siegal's wider intent was to raise awareness of women in baseball. She runs a non-profit organization called "Baseball for All," and its mission is to give girls opportunities to play baseball.

In an interview with NPR, Siegal talked about how she always wanted to play in the big leagues, and didn't realize until she was 15 that it wasn't going to be a possibility. I love that to children, everything seems like it could happen. That's how it should be. She and I share the belief that a knuckle-balling female pitcher could realistically make it to The Show one day. Siegal added that a lefty knuckler would have an even greater chance.

Siegal is also the first woman to coach professional baseball in the United States. She was a first base coach for the Brockton Rox of the independent Can Am League. She talked about earning the respect of male players. It probably always takes longer for a female to have the trust and authority a coach needs, but Siegal believed she had it from her players.

One of the things that resonated with me was Siegal's mention that 40% of baseball fans are women. I'm not talking about girls who go to games to stare at player's hindquarters as they bend over to stretch. I've seen these women first hand. I'm talking about women who love the game in the same way that guys love it. It's a deep passion for true fans, and men and women alike can partake in the single-minded devotion to a past time that's like no other. Believe me, women who love baseball want to participate in the sport, just like every guy dreams of working for his favorite team, or watch batting practice on the field. That's what we want too. I had a vivid dream one night, in which I was asking Bill James to give me a job. Crazy? I hope not.

Don't treat female fans like they're cheerleaders. It's not that I don't jump out of my seat yelling and clapping, because I do that every game, but I am always looking to discuss serious baseball issues, like Austin Jackson's chances of sustaining a higher-than-normal BABIP, because I think he can, if he continues to hit a lot of line drives and get infield hits.

Although MLB once banned women from playing in its league, women have never stopped looking for inclusion. Check out a few of the sites in the blogroll to the right. There are no fewer than four blogs with women as their lead writers. I hope you give their work the attention and respect it deserves. I want to thank Justine Siegal for bringing awareness to the fact that women love the game, and want nothing more than to be a part of it at every level.

Time to Get All Dolled Up

2011-02-26T11:40:00.003-05:00

Tomorrow. I have a hot date. Tigers baseball at 1:05 on 97.1 FM. I'll be on time. I'll be aflutter with nervous excitement. I've been waiting so long. Dan and Jim's voices will sound melodious. It will be almost like I am there. If I close my eyes, I'll be able to feel the rays and smell the grass, I swear.

Soon I'll be singing the "Opening Day Song." My family will be pleading with me to stop. Their entreaties will fall on deaf ears. I will belt out the silly verse like Aretha Franklin singing "Natural Woman"...except I don't have her flawless vocal quality. Too bad.

How do you ready yourself for the rites of Spring? What's special to you about Opening Day or Spring Training games? Can't wait to hear your first date or "Same Time Next Year" stories.

It's Spring Somewhere

2011-02-20T17:59:00.008-05:00

Although I spent half an hour trying to get off my (one block) street to go to work this morning, apparently there is spring-like weather in Florida. Hmmm. Can I sell twenty quarts of plasma so I can hop the next plane to Lakeland?

Let us turn our attention to some actual baseball matters in Spring Training, shall we? I don't want to speculate about whether Miguel Cabrera has a drinking problem. I don't want to pretend I'm a substance abuse specialist. I just want to talk about ball.

Who will be playing second base on opening day?

Will Ryan Raburn shake the first-half offensive droughts that seem to haunt him until June?

Will Phil Coke turn into a quality starter, and how many different hair incarnations will he go through?

Will Mi Magglio have a great season?

Will Zumaya make it through the season without an arm implosion?

Will we see Andy Oliver or Jacob Turner in the Old English D this year?

Will Jim Leyland be fined by the State of Michigan for smoking in his workplace?

How many striped polo shirts does Dave Dombrowski own?

These are the burning questions.

Soon, there will be an actual game on TELEVISION! A game in which the Tigers take on another team. I realize this will be a meaningless spring contest in which Tigers regulars log one or two at bats, but I DO NOT CARE! Tune in to ESPN on March 3 at 1:05. (I don't have MLB network, so I'm ignoring those games. I have pleaded with my cable provider to add MLBN, to no avail.)

When Real Life Intrudes

2011-02-19T18:38:00.003-05:00

When I received a text early on Thursday morning from someone who I call "vampire," I should have known something was wrong. My immediate reaction was denial. No. NO. NOOOOOOOOOOO. Then I starting feeling worried. About Miggy, about his family. I'm a worrier sometimes. I try not to be. It's not a productive activity. But sometimes, it can't be helped. Then I thought about the potential impact on our season. When I read the police report, things got worse. Every new revelation just sent me spiraling ever downward. Drinking in front of an officer, non-violent resisting arrest, repeated wandering into the road (into traffic??)...sigh.

Luckily, I had a lot going on, so I was able to avoid hearing all the analysis, hash, rehash, pundits, idiots, etc. I have not listened to a moment of talk radio since this happened. Toxic. I've read a lot of pontificating, and a few thoughtful takes. To me, the most important thing is to just wait. That's why I'm just now writing word one on this topic, and I still don't have much to say.

Mostly, I just want Miguel to be okay. I hope he doesn't have a serious problem. He may not. He may just be a dude who can't handle his liquor. His trainer doesn't think he could have been hitting the bottle this off-season due to their intense, daily outdoor workouts in sweltering heat. Miggy could not have performed during those workouts if he were hung over. That's encouraging to hear. I hope he's right.

This whole things just serves as a check to me. It checks my "baseball is everything" mentality. Clearly, baseball is NOT everything. It's a lot, don't get me wrong. But sometimes, I lose sight of real life when I'm just wrapped up in how many games out of first we are, who's pitching today, who's on the DL, what relief pitchers are available, who's in a slump....

Miguel, if I could say one thing to you, I would tell you that I support you. I don't just like you because you hit opposite field home runs that look like they might never come back to earth. I just want you to be healthy and happy. Don't let baseball be the weight of the world on your shoulders. Don't try to fulfill a million fans' expectations. Just live your life. Enjoy being on the field with your teammates. Play with your little girls. The rest will take care of itself.

Tune Your Set to...

2011-02-14T14:22:00.003-05:00

Old English D will be appearing on The Knee Jerks radio podcast tonight at 7:00 pm Eastern Time.

Tune in for discussion between me, hosts Greg Eno and Al Beaton and Kurt Mensching of Bless You Boys.

Get excited for the first workout of Spring Training!

Think about how the Tigers are poised to fare in the AL Central this year.

Talk baseball, baseball, baseball. Forget about those other stupid sports.

Baseball is here!

About That Depth in the Rotation...

2011-02-12T18:35:00.008-05:00

You may remember that Andy Oliver debuted for the Tigers last year. You may remember it because he didn't fare especially well, particularly after his first two starts, when things got a little ugly. You may now be cringing when people talk about him being called upon if someone in the rotation falters.

It's a good time to remind ourselves that Oliver was drafted in 2009. Last year was his first year as a professional. He made 14 starts in Erie before being promoted to Toledo. After only 9 starts there, wham!, he's tasting the bigs. He's 23 years old. His fastball is "firm" (to bring a Rod Allen-ism playfully/painfully to life) in the mid 90s. He sometimes lacked command of it last year. According to Baseball Reference, Oliver had a 1.28 combined WHIP in the minors last year, struck out 8.2 batters per nine innings, while walking 3.5. While sipping a cup of coffee with the Tigers over five starts, again courtesy Baseball Reference, Oliver's WHIP ballooned to 1.77. He struck out 7.4 per nine, but walked 5.3.

In an interview with Freep writer John Lowe, Dave Dombrowski admits "we kind of threw him to the wolves." Kind of? I would like to upgrade and expand that phrase to "we sacrificed this kid on a spit, shredded his flesh and pacified some menacing cannibals with it." I mean, he had only 23 starts in the rearview mirror before he is standing on the mound, surrounded by 30,000+ crowd, with the Tigers in the playoff chase (his starts were between June 25 and July), facing veteran ball-crushers like Jim Thome. It's not that I think minor leaguers can't come up and be confident and successful. But a little seasoning, a natural progression...these things work, they make sense.

I realize that when Oliver was brought up, Porcello had to be sent down to Toledo to work on his own issues. But that just points to the larger organizational problem--a lack of spot starters.

All of this has been to say that I hope Oliver gets a nice long stint with the Hens this year before any need arises for him to come up and put on the Old English D. Let's not have any throwing to wolves this year, 'K, Dave?

A Subtle Rift

2011-02-11T21:19:00.007-05:00

Allow me to introduce to you "Winter Jen." She's sensible. She can apply logic and reasoning to a myriad of life situations. She understands the value of a dollar. She's a little depressed about the lack of baseball, the sun rising after eight and setting before five, the layer of blubber that has accumulated around her mid-section, and temperatures that frost her delicate, albeit hairy-knuckled toes. But no doubt about it, she's a gal with her faculties about her.

Then there is "Summer Jen." She's a mite...unstable. I was going to say unpredictable, but her behavior has become all TOO predictable to some. She's liable to ditch her 97 year old granny, whom she promised to help plant seedlings, when she sniffs Tiger tickets for the evening's game. She may find it "reasonable" to say that there is a pressing "need" to attend all three games of the upcoming series. She could rationalize spending funds intended for her son's higher education on box seats. She might hatch twenty crackpot schemes in an attempt to get to Kansas City to take in a ballgame at the lovely, giant-HD-scoreboard-boasting Kauffman Stadium. She would look into auctioning off her Noritake China set for front row tickets.

I cannot be held culpable for this schism in my personality. It's a bonafide disorder. I've got a diagnosis from a reputable, board-certified healthcare professional. I safeguard it in my desk to produce for doubters, to defend myself against those who would like to critique my behavior.

I am a happy Skimpole when it comes to baseball. I don't understand why anyone would want to restrain my enjoyment of it in any measure. I just want to be with my Boys of Summer. I just want to sit under the lights at the ballpark, and feel the night breezes swirl around my ankles. I just want to feel the heat radiating off my sun-warmed skin as I sip a $6.00 Diet Coke. What say you of time, money, duty, skin cancer and stomach ulcers? Why would you bring up such evils when there is baseball to be watched? Why? What's wrong with you?

Lady Sings the Blues

2011-02-03T19:36:00.004-05:00

Rogo of DesigNate Robertson has become so lazy that he puts stupid tiger pictures on his site and calls it a real post. I must protest. The offseason is hard enough already, and now he's not even going to help us through it by providing some reading material? No. Join me in urging him to shake off his sloth and post something worthy.

Dave Dombrowski puts the kabosh on the Jeremy Bonderman and Vlad Guerrero rumors. Well. Ok. Good.

Can you survive the next eleven days? I'm not quite sure whether I'll make it myself. I've contemplated illegal money-raising activities in order to get my tail down to Spring Training. You know what though? Even if I don't make it down there, the photos posted by fellow fans who are there always make my day. I love wading through pages and pages of Flickr albums that showcase our boys frolicking in the grass at Joker Marchant Stadium.

Have you purchased Rosetta Stone yet in order to better communicate with the ever growing Latin contingent of the Tigers? I am determined to learn Spanish. Why did my high school offer only German?? What good is it doing me now?? Sigh.

Well that's it for the random thoughts at this time.

Do I?

2011-01-31T19:29:00.004-05:00

Do I want Vladimir Guerrero to be a member of the Tigers? I have always loved watching Vlad swing at a ball just above his shoe tops, and stroke it for a hit. I also like his no batting glove wearing, pine-tar helmet sporting look. However, I'm so ambivalent right now, because the effect of Vlad on our defense would be, um, borderline catastrophic. If we add Vlad at DH, that bumps Victor Martinez to everyday catcher. Cue the shrieks. I mean, I was really happy with the Martinez signing, but I don't want to see him behind the dish every day.

Now let's just say hypothetically, that Dombrowski decides NOT to put Martinez at catcher every day even with Vlad on the roster. Now everyone is set up for discontent. Either Guerrero or Martinez will be squeezed out of playing time, and I don't see either of them being happy with that. Some might say Vlad could play right field some days, since Magglio is now 37 years old. Uh, did you see him in right field during the playoffs this year? OK. Let us put that idea through the shredder post-haste.

I haven't mentioned Alex Avila here, but he's young enough that he can wait to be a full-time catcher. He can use more time to develop. He hasn't proven himself offensively. I feel like he'll be all right.

I don't want the defensive troubles of the 2008 team to be repeated in 2011. I don't want a roster full of guys who are chafing at their roles. Don't you remember Pudge asking to be traded, and how we got Kyle Farnsworth in return? I apologize for taking you there, but it's a necessary reality check. I shuddered as I was typing it, believe me.

I can't come to a conclusion here. My brain is conflicted and fragmented. I want Vlad. I want good defense. I want happy ball players. I want it all.

Running Man

2011-01-30T09:50:00.006-05:00

In an interview during TigerFest, Phil Coke reveals his reason for sprinting to the mound from the bullpen. It's not to make us all laugh. It's not to burn a few extra calories. It's not because he can't stand the other Tigers relievers.

Coke explains that it's because "I don't want anything to enter my mind, except for 'Get to the hill, get the job done'."

I guess he doesn't want the adoring, but frequently brain-dead fans (people who reach over and interfere with balls still in play, people who try to start the wave in the 7th inning of Justin Verlander's no-hitter, people who boo Todd Jones' first blown save in 20 opportunities) to mess with his game mindset. I can't say I blame him there.

When asked whether there was an advantage to him being the only lefty in the starting rotation, Coke shrugged his shoulders up to his ears and quipped, ""I don't know, I'm just a baseball player, man." This echoes the sentiments of many ball players who probably think that zealous fans, media and bloggers overanalyze everything. Curtis Granderson said that he doesn't even know what the stat WAR (wins above replacement player) is. During the celebration for the 40th anniversary of the 1968 World Series, Rod and Mario had various players from the '68 team in the booth during the game. I remember one of them saying that he doesn't really watch baseball and never has. He just enjoyed playing it. Yes, I realize this means that many of us are attached to baseball in a way that could be perceived as "Fatal Attraction." So what? I've come to terms with it. I hope you have too.

If you want to see the Coke interview in its entirety, here's a link, but you'll have to go to the "TicketTube" section on the right side bar and then scroll through the video options until you see Phil Coke in a light blue dress shirt.

These are the things that have to get us through until there is baseball again.

FreezeFest 2011

2011-01-23T13:09:00.004-05:00

Did you know that certain extremities refuse to be warmed when exposed to icy temperatures? My nose was frozen and red all day at TigerFest yesterday. That didn't stop me from enjoying myself. I was armed with foot and hand warmers, and the Tigers were also passing out free hand warmers to the hardy fans who defied the weather.

Although I had several failures yesterday, my friend Nicole triumphed in a way I hadn't imagined possible. I had brought my scorecard from the no-hitter in hopes of meeting Justin Verlander in the autograph lines. NO. Of course, I wanted to see Mi Magglio. Well, I saw him, all right. I got to the photo booth area in time to see him LEAVING! I would have liked to meet Max Scherzer. He did walk by my friend and I, and she gasped audibly, but I was busy digging in my bag, so I barely glimpsed him. Sigh.

Now, allow me to regale you with my friend's tale of victory. Nicole follows both Will Rhymes and Casper Wells on Twitter. We were standing in an autograph line, when Will Rhymes walked by us. Nicole told him she followed him on Twitter and he high-fived her. She tweeted it, with a shout out to Wells to top it, and Rhymes proceeded to retweet it. That was quite exciting, needless to say. Well, a while later, we get to the front of an autograph line, and who is there, but Casper Wells himself. Nicole shows him the tweet and the challenge. You could see the wheels turning in his mind for a moment as he signed her hat. Then, he slowly stood up and enveloped her in a big, genuine hug! Then he told her she better tweet THAT to Will. Holy cow, a twitter war had broken out! Nicole's feet didn't touch ground for while after that. I was happy for her, despite my epic failures.

We attended one of the panel discussions, which featured Justin Verlander, Joaquin Benoit, and an empty chair for a tardy Phil Coke. Rod and Mario were allowing audience members to pose questions, and people kept asking Justin the most pointed questions. He took it all in good grace, laughing at how Jim Thome owns him, talking about how he has ZERO major league hits, and discussing his April woes. Funny stuff. Then Phil Coke finally walks in the room and flashes an expression that put the whole room in stitches. You just had to be there, I can't describe it. Then he says the reason he was late is because he was down in the team store trying to find out why there were no Coke shirts in there. He's priceless. Really.

I did get to tell Austin Jackson he was robbed for ROY, and how much we appreciated his season here. He is very humble, trying to deflect all that praise coming his way. Here are a few snaps from the frozen tundra.

Stay Tuned for These Messages from our Sponsors

2011-01-15T12:42:00.005-05:00

In yet another sign that the end of life as we know it is near, I guest-wrote a Tigers Season preview article for i70 Baseball. In case you are not hopelessly obsessed with tonight's Packers/Falcons showdown (as the rest of my heretical cheesehead household is), here is the link:

Old English D's Warped Preview of the 2011 Tigers

Sorry for the shameless self-promotion.

I do promise to make up for it by providing a scintillating report from TigerFest, where I plan to fan it up with fellow individuals who don't mind braving sub-zero temperatures for a glimpse of some ball players. At least I realize how stupid I am.

Timo! Welcome back, welcome back, welcome back!

2011-01-14T20:38:00.006-05:00

Update: In my excitement over Timo's return, I failed to give proper credit to Matt Anderson of TigsTown for breaking the story on Twitter, and to John Parent of Motor City Bengals. Sorry guys. Great work!!

When we last heard of our hero, he was toiling away in the Mexican leagues, far removed from his former Toledo days.

There is cause to rejoice in Mudville, baseball fans!

Timo Perez has signed a minor league deal with the Detroit Tigers. My heart delights in Timo's return. You may be thinking that I've become a mite unhinged in the midst of the off-season. Why in the name of balls and strikes would I be going batty about the return of a 35 year-old career minor leaguer?

Well, I'm sorry, but I've always had a soft spot in my heart for Timo, and so it's just poetic justice to have him back. Apparently Dave Dombrowski hides a little Timo-love in his heart, too!

So, Timo, here's to you! I'll be making a special trip to Toledo this year, you can be sure of that. I intend to drag Rogo of Designate Robertson with me, because he shares my inexplicable affection for Timo.

Old English D on Blog Talk Radio

2011-01-10T19:18:00.004-05:00

I know. The offseason has become a droning, interminable, black hole devoid of all meaning. Did you refresh your favorite Tigers news sites 20 times yesterday only to find that there is NOTHING doing? If you've reached the end of your rope, and have begun actually longing for Rod Allen and Mario Impemba, you are obviously in dire need of a baseball fix. You're in luck. Tune in tonight at 11 pm Eastern time to:

Blog Talk Radio

I will be joining host Bill Ivie of i70 Baseball and Baseball Digest, along with other AL Central bloggers to talk some baseball. I realize that it's an alternate universe akin to the final season of "Lost" when yours truly appears on a radio show that features credible baseball writers. But the apocalypse is apparently underway, so why not go with it? (Or at least listen just to laugh at me. It's ok, I'm not afraid of sacrificing myself for the common good, remember?--scroll down to the last big paragraph to read about how I made a fool of myself, but helped the team win. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.)

Anyway, listen in and call in tonight. You can even heckle me.

Angst, Anxiety...Armando

2011-01-03T20:50:00.004-05:00

Who's the Tiger you're most worried about going into the 2011 season?

For me, it's Armando Galarraga. We need him to pitch like that guy who pitched a perfect game, not like the guy who was afraid to throw a strike most of the time.

Could someone get in Armando's ear and brainwash him with positive thinking? I'll pay Tony Robbins to pump him full of clichéd, atta boy, rah rah psycho-babble. Yes, it would be worth every penny.

Galarraga ended the season with a WHIP of 1.34. He really only had one decent year--2008. He has asserted that he deserves a spot in the starting rotation, and got his undies in a twist when he got sent down to Toledo, but he doesn't always trust his stuff. He'd better dig deep and find a way to believe that he's got a big league arm, pitch to contact, and be a productive part of the rotation.

We've got Verlander and Scherzer--rock solid. I believe that Porcello will be just fine. Who really knows how Phil Coke's attempt to turn starter will go? I love Phil Coke. He's a great personality, and he pitched really well most of last year. But I really have no idea if that will translate over to starting pitcher. Therefore, it's all the more important that 'mando does his job.

So.......Armando Galarraga, stand up. Cowboy up. Pitch up...to your potential.

Hurry Down the Chimney Tonight

2010-12-23T21:16:00.004-05:00

Santa baby, slip a player under the tree, for me
I've been an awful good girl
Santa baby, and hurry down the chimney tonight

Santa baby, a batting practice jersey too, dark blue
I'll wait up for you dear
Santa baby, and hurry down the chimney tonight

Think of all the fun I've missed
Think of all the Tigers that I haven't kissed
Next year I could be oh so good
If you'd check off my Christmas list
Boo doo bee doo

Santa honey, I wanna roster spot and really that's
Not a lot
I've been an angel all year
Santa baby, and hurry down the chimney tonight

Santa cutie, there's one thing I really do need, the deed
To the CoPa
Santa cutie, and hurry down the chimney tonight

Santa baby, fill my stocking with season tickets,
Sign your 'X' on the line
Santa baby, and hurry down the chimney tonight

Come and bring me Magglio

live and in the flesh, oh
I really do believe in you
Let's see if you believe in me
Boo doo bee doo

Santa baby, forgot to mention one little thing, a (World Series) ring
I don't mean on the phone
Santa baby, and hurry down the chimney tonight

Hurry down the chimney tonight
Hurry down the chimney tonight

Forget Jerry Maguire, It's My "Free Fallin'" Moment Now

2010-12-16T16:38:00.003-05:00

Cue the seraphim and cherubim, angelic choirs singing rapturously, and an old, awkward white lady trying to do the dougie. You know why I'm giddy. Magglio Ordóñez has reportedly signed a one year, $10-million dollar deal to remain in the Old English D.

DID YOUR HEAR ME????

VIVA MAGGLIO ORDÓÑEZ!

Ok. Everyone may not feel as, hem, joyous as I do about this, but most will agree that Magglio was one of the best free-agent options left on the market.

We no longer have to ponder right field options such as Don Kelly and Willie Bloomquist. No more weeping and gnashing of teeth. Sorry. Was I the only one doing that?

Seriously though, we really needed our hero's bat. Desperately. We don't want to see Miguel Cabrera batting with as much protection as me stepping to the plate with a plastic fungo bat ever again.

I leave you to imagine my ecstatic warblings.

What If the Unthinkable Happens?

2010-12-08T16:58:00.004-05:00

Well, by now you've heard that many teams, among them Boston, Texas and Philadelphia, are interested in the services of our free-agent rightfielder Magglio Ordóñez. Our hero worked out for teams today, and the Tigers were in attendance. No word on how that workout was received by onlookers. No tweets from Jason Beck on this, other than to say that he wasn't invited to view the workout.

So, if some other team (gasp) snags Ordóñez, and it turns out that we're priced out of the Carl Crawford sweepstakes, who else should the Tigers pursue?

Here are a few names and stat lines for your perusal. Stats via Fangraphs and Baseball-Reference.

Bill Hall

2010 batting

.247/.316/.456/.772

18HR, 46 RBI, 9 SB

Fielding, 2006-2010, outfield

UZR -.5

Jose Guillen

2010 batting

.258/.314/.416/.772

19HR, 77 RBI, 1 SB

Fielding, 2010, outfield

UZR 1.9

Willie Bloomquist

2009 Batting (played in 83 games in 2010)

.265/.308/.355/.663

4 HR, 29 RBI, 25 SB

Fielding, 2009, outfield

UZR -1.4

Find anything to your liking, or do you have a favorite candidate?? Please share.

As for me, I'm still foolishly hoping we snatch Magglio from the claws of these other teams. But really, in looking at other options, I'm gonna have to ahead and say that we had darn well better sign Ordóñez or Crawford. Otherwise, why did we go out there and get Benoit and Martinez? We need to add a quality bat. Period.

Haikus To Warm a Winter's Night

2010-12-03T18:13:00.006-05:00

winter solstice looms

dormant ballfields quiet sit

as I look for spring

jackson rookie jilt

miggy held in low esteem

'mando imperfect

always a tiger

magglio should here remain

scott notwithstanding

shirts for david d

plentiful stripes and sailboats

lead to many laughs

I'm sorry. This is what you get when there's no baseball.

There's No Whining in Baseball?

2010-11-21T16:11:00.006-05:00

I realize this post will classify me as a first class cry-baby, but I'm sorry, it can't be helped. I know that most people are all gaga over the Hot Stove, free agent frenzy, blah, blah, blah. Of course, the whole process is captivating, but does it hold a candle to actual baseball being played? I'm gonna have to shout a resounding 'No' from the top of a ten story building. It's only November. Pitchers and catchers don't report until February 13. May I kindly ask what I am supposed to do until then? I may have to break down and attend Tiger Fest in January. I'll be desperate by then.

I recognize that I'm annoying you beyond all reason, and come off as a pathetic, sniveling loser. I know that this is a horrible way to keep readers. I must apologize, and I do. Sincerely. I offer to you a genuine "I'm sorry." But don't you find yourself just pining, yearning, longing for some baseball? Doesn't seeing the CoPa shuttered, the diamond tarped over, the grass going dormant, just make you feel like Ndamukong Suh's muscled fist grabbed your heart and squeezed as hard as it could?

I even missed the AFL championship, because I had a stinking eye exam. Is there any justice in the world? That was probably my last shot at live baseball for the next twelve weeks. Again with the whining. I know.

If I had MLB network, there would be some pretty cool archival baseball watching in store, but do I have MLB Network? Nooooooooooooooooooooo, indeed not. Excuse me while I go write a nasty-gram to my cable provider.

Do you think that lame movies, or even good movies, or even great baseball movies make a nominal substitute for our nation's past time? No. They don't.

I've already endured the devastation of Austin Jackson losing out on Rookie of the Year. I'm still a mite bitter about the empty spot on Jackson's mantle. Now I find myself guarding my heart against Cabrera getting the snub for MVP. Today, the Freep gave us the cheery news that a Tigers hitter hasn't won the MVP since 1940, when Hank Greenburg brought home his second MVP. Sigh.

You can depend on me for countless uplifting posts like this one throughout the off-season.

Who Stuffed the Ballot Box?

2010-11-15T19:22:00.004-05:00

I am sorry, but is there anyone else out there that feels our poor boy got the shaft in this whole Rookie of the Year voting process? I know I may be biased, but really now, REALLY NOW, I believe that Austin Jackson should be bringing home some hardware today. Neftali Feliz was brilliant. No question. I give him all proper credit for a spectacular season.

However, Austin Jackson was in some rarified air. He joins only three other rookies EVER to accomplish the following:

180 hits, 100 runs, 30 doubles, 10 triples, and 25 stolen bases

The other three blokes?

Hanley Ramirez, Juan Samuel, and Shoeless Joe Jackson

That's not enough for Rookie of the Year for sobbing out loud?

Apparently that effort was good for only eight first place votes. Puh-leeze tell me this is a crazed nightmare and I will soon awake in a cold sweat. Eight out of 28 first place votes? Did the esteemed BBWAA writers watch Young Jackson in action at all this season? Did they not see at least twelve catches in which it at first appeared that there was no chance at all that Jackson would catch up to the ball? He hauled it in each and every time. He saved a Perfect Game. He made countless over the shoulder catches. He hit the ball. Well.

Ok. I'm done whining. I apologize, but my feelings were just a mite wounded this afternoon around two o'clock.

Idle Hands...

2010-11-10T20:18:00.006-05:00

What in the name of balls and strikes does a baseball freak do with the mind-numbing down time during the off-season? You take three-plus hours out of every day, and there's a mighty big chasm to fill. Well, I don't know about other people, but I am stuck doing things like knitting scarves, watching the World Series of Poker, and baking a thousand batches of chocolate chip cookies. Does that sound like a life to you?

My mantra is simple. Life without baseball is hard.

Now, we've got to sit by as the Yankee brass goes down to Arkansas to meet with Cliff Lee. Wooing him. Wowing him with wheelbarrows awash with cash. Whacking him over the head with propaganda about what it means to "Be a Yankee." To wear the pinstripes. To be clean-shaven. Excuse me a moment while I go clean up the vomit I just induced.

OK. I am back. There are a few remaining chunks on my shirt, but luckily for you I'm not downloading photos of it to this post.

Hopefully things will pick up soon. We'll get news that Dave Dombrowski and his suitcase full of sailboat sweaters have spirited off to who knows where to negotiate with some top tier free agent. Yes. It will happen. Then the dark days won't seem so long.

"Your Mouth is Big, Size Extra Large"

2010-11-07T15:10:00.006-05:00

Scott Boras has been out there doing what he does best--talking up his 2010 free agent crop. And when I say talking up, I am referring to bombastic braggadocio about how many teams are battering his door down to sign his clients.

I know he's doing his job. I know this is what he's paid the obscene dollar to do. I know he's good at it.

That doesn't mean I like it, even one little bit.

Kurt over at Bless You Boys has a nice analysis of Boras' jabber about Magglio. I totally agree that there WILL be significant interest in Ordóñez, and of course Boras wants to capitalize on that interest and engage everyone in an escalating bidding war. Here's what bothers a me just a smidge. Magglio told Venezuelan reporter Augusto Cardenas that he would like to return to the Tigers. Here are his exact words:

"I want to stay in Detroit, obviously. I have my friends, my teammates. I know the organization has been very good to me and the fans have treated me great. ... I think there is a great chance to stay in Detroit, but let's see what happens."

If that is really what you want, why let Scott Boras spew steaming, inflammatory rhetoric from here to his swanky offices in Newport Beach, CA? Don't you remember how Kenny Rogers let Boras go after he slung one sneer too many about exploring Rogers' options? Rogers said look, if I wanted to go out there and find the biggest contract, Boras would be my man, but since I know in my heart I only want to play for Detroit, his services are not needed in this instance.

Obviously, Ordóñez DOES want to test the market. He's done nothing to stop word one coming out of Boras' unmuzzled pie hole. It's fine if that's what he wants to do. It's his right. No problem. Just be forthright. I'm not too fond of a player going out there and telling people what he thinks they want to hear, but then going out and doing something else. Ordóñez' conversation with Cardenas took place in mid-October, well after the Tigers' season was over. There was no need for politicking.

I will say this. Boras' clap-trap about Ordóñez is NOTHING compared to what he's been saying about Jayson Werth. He outright taunted the Phillies, saying they did not need to let Werth go, that they had made good decisions in the past, and could do so again. By all means, Phils, allow yourselves to be bullied by Boras' dizzying verbosity. Boras appears to think his intellect is superior to...oh, just about everyone, and he can whamboozle even the shrewdest of GMs with a little word-wizardry.

In a serio-comic twist, the Phillies reportedly may have an interest in Ordóñez, too. Imagine for yourself Scott Boras finessing the Phils on behalf of BOTH his clients. At least for his soulless innards, there will be no concerns about conflicts of interest or other such moral trifles.

The Losses Begin to Pile Up

2010-11-04T18:11:00.002-04:00

It's been a year full of sorrow for Tigers fans. I'm not talking about missing the playoffs. I'm referring to the losses first of Ernie Harwell and now Sparky Anderson. It's a little much to be honest. I'm not too fond of the feelings I've been having today.

We just learned that Sparky had entered hospice care yesterday, and he's already gone today. I mean, I'm glad he didn't suffer for a lengthy period. Dementia is bad enough without that. It's just that we didn't have time to prepare ourselves for losing him.

I admit that I loved Sparky because I didn't know any other manager. However, everyone else I've read loved him too, so I guess I wasn't that far off base. Sparky has been universally acknowledged as a great manager, and a wonderful person.

I'm so glad Sparky made the trip here last year for the 25th anniversary of the 1984 World Series. I went to that game, but had some mishaps. There were some pregame festivities, in which members of the '84 team visited with fans and the media. I missed all of that. Sigh. Then the rain blew in. My mother and I watched from the right-field bleachers as they introduced the 1984 Tigers one by one. We were kind of far away. It was still pretty great. Then the game was called for rain. It was deflating. A night of revelry cut short.

However, Sparky got to spend time with his players, and they got a chance to see him. I'm glad they all had the opportunity to go over old times. In addition to Lou Whitaker and Aurelio Lopez, you know what was missing? Tiger Stadium. You know what though? Sparky wasn't overly melodramatic about losing her. I couldn't find the interview, but I seem to remember him saying something to the effect to keep the memories of her and move on.

It's all well and good to say "move on" when it's an inanimate object you're dealing with. We won't be "moving on" without Sparky. We'll work to keep his memory alive. That won't be hard. I'd be thrilled to regale you with a few stories any time.

A Fading Spark

2010-11-03T20:06:00.004-04:00

I'm not gonna lie. My feelings were hurt when George Sparky Anderson went into the Hall of Fame as a Cincinnati Red. It made me feel like the lesser-loved stepchild. What did the Reds have on the Tigers? Didn't he love our guys as much as those fellows from Cincy?

Now those petty concerns pale as Sparky is now in hospice care at age 76. It feels like he should have so much more time left. Time to watch and enjoy baseball. Time to continue his work with CATCH, one of the longest running charities for sick children in our area. Time to play in more golf tournaments. Time to enjoy seeing Kirk Gibson manage the Diamondbacks (and maybe offering some advice here and there).

I became a Tigers fan in 1983, so Sparky was all I knew. I was young and completely uninformed about baseball. My aunt and uncle just decided one summer day to take me and my cousins down to the park. I didn't know I would fall in love at first sight that day. But I did. And I loved Sparky with that blind, all-trusting new love. He didn't disappoint. All he did was take our boys to the Series the very next year. All I did was go along for the wondrous ride of my life.

It's going to be hard on Tigers fans if we lose two icons in one year. Our grief will be protracted. But we'll be brave. And we'll never forget.

Breezes and Big Knocks

2010-11-02T21:26:00.009-04:00

Pat Burrell struck out eleven times in five games in the 2010 Fall Classic. That total is two whiffs shy of Ryan Howard's record 13 Ks in six games, set just last year. Willie Wilson had maintained his grasp on the World Series Strikeout King title belt since 1980, when he fanned 12 times over six games.

Watching Burrell's futility at the plate was, um, rather brutal. I'm sure that noone felt this more keenly than he did. When he struck out yet again, with runners on second and third, it seemed like the hole in his bat might cost the Giants game 5.

Edgar Renteria swatted Burrell's troubles away with one stroke. I never saw a ballplayer lock another man in a death grip's embrace. I wasn't sure Renteria would be able to extract himself from Burrell's clutches. Edgar certainly did rescue Pat from lasting humiliation and self-condemnation. Renteria went on to win the MVP for the Series. Many sighs. Once again, I must ask, Whyyyyyy could you not perform well in the American League, Edgar? I don't understand it. You were hitting AL pitching in the Series, Edgar. See? It's not that hard.

Ah well, soon we'll see how the Tigers manage a pretty nice bundle of cash. We'll see how well they compete with the New Yorks and Bostons of the league for free agent talent. We'll see if Dave Dombrowski goes from the Hot Stove to the Hot Seat. We'll see if the Puma and little Ajax can come home with some hardware. Can't wait.

Joe Girardi Emotes Like a Roomba

2010-10-23T19:00:00.005-04:00

In watching last night's ALCS finale, in which my friend and I exulted over the Yankees' playoff elimination, we couldn't help but notice Joe Girardi's utter lack of emotional expression over the game's many meltdown moments.

Phil Hughes implodes? Calmly walk to mound and slowly tap forearm to signal for reliever.

David Robertson lasts a third of an inning and his ERA is 16.20? Turn in x-mo to the dugout phone and request that someone please begin throwing. Gingerly replace phone receiver on its cradle.

Robinson Cano grounds into a double play? Que sera, sera.

Curtis Granderson gets nipped trying to steal second? La di da, these things will happen.

Team is 0-3 with RISP? Come come now, kiddies, no cause for consternation.

Seriously, I never saw his breathing accelerate one iota, never saw his facial muscles constrict, never saw a blood vessel pop out, never saw his jaw set, never saw a flush of red rise up his neck and spread over his cheeks.

Now, here is my question to you. Was Girardi actually devoid of frustration, rage or angst, or was he maintaining a rock-solid poker face, but roiling on the inside all the while?

Get a load of the ultimate irony. In a post-game interview, the FIRST question posed to Girardi is:

"Can you just start, first of all, by expressing your feelings about the game, and your season?"

Did you not see automaton in action the whole game? Feelings?? What feelings? If he did have any, he sure as shootin' aint sharin' 'em with you, partner.

Hey Joe, maybe it would help your players once in a while to see a little fire or ice, you know? You could try it out...next year. If the Yankees retain your services. Ha.

Will Kirk GIbson Be the Next Manager of the Tigers?

2010-10-20T18:01:00.002-04:00

I'm not trying to push Jim Leyland out of town here, but I just wonder if Gibby might be his successor. Today, Gibson announced that he's donated a bunch of memorabilia from the 1988 World Series to his foundation. The items will be auctioned off, and Gibson's foundation benefits two Michigan high schools and Michigan State University. Included in the memorabilia are the bat, helmet and uniform used to in Gibson's historic 1988 World Series game 1 homer. According to an article by Jason Beck, Gibby plans to hold onto his Tigers memorabilia, for now. In referring to the Tigers items, Gibson said, "I just have my reasons. We'll just leave it at that."

You know what? I think those reasons are that the 1984 Tigers, and the Tigers in general are very dear to Gibson's heart. He's from Michigan, he came up in the Tigers system, he's lived here forever. I know for a fact that his feelings were very hurt when he and the rest of Trammell's staff were rather unceremoniously dumped in 2005. I heard him in an interview on sports talk radio last year. At one point, GIbson admitted something like he hadn't been following the Red Wings, and the host joked that maybe Gibson would lose his Michigan card over that one. Gibson retorted that he thought he'd already lost it. He was no doubt referencing the 2005 ouster. It was a raw deal for Tram, Gibby and the rest of the crew. They were brought into a losing proposition, and management knew it. The team was garbage. They needed something to improve the gate, to garner some good pub. Well, the Bless You Boys from 1984 fit the bill. Tram was underexperienced and proved himself unable to handle a big league clubhouse. Gibson had no coaching experience, while Lance Parrish had spent some time coaching in the minor leagues and with the Tigers previously.

Things are different now. Gibson has spent the past years as bench coach for the Arizona Diamondbacks. This year, after the mid-season firing of A.J. Hinch, Gibson was named interim manager. I hoped the team would give him a fair shot at retaining the job. Indeed they did, removing the interim from his job title for the 2011 season. I was very happy for Gibson to get the opportunity to manage. I will follow him with interest, and with an eye toward the future.

Like I said, I think Gibson is hanging onto to the Tigers stuff because it's still close to his heart. I think he would jump at the chance to manage the Tigers. Nostalgia notwithstanding, I hope he gets to make that leap. I think he'll make a fine manager. He's fiery, a good motivator, and is very committed to anything he sets out to do. Kirk Gibson, Detroit Tigers Manager. That has a very satisfying ring to it.

Inquiring Minds

2010-10-18T23:51:00.005-04:00

Piercing questions for the 2010 playoffs: Jayson Werth is channeling George Armstrong Custer. Is he anticipating a last stand against some giants? Planning to call in the cavalry? Just wondering.

An Airtight Case

2010-10-16T17:38:00.008-04:00

I recently admitted to fellow blogger Rogo of DesigNate Robertson that I would rather the Tigers retain Magglio Ordóñez than sign free agent Adam Dunn. His kind response was "you're nuts." My rejoinder was that I knew it and didn't care.

Let us delve a little further into the demented mind that would choose an aging Ordóñez over the ball-crushing Dunn. To begin, I freely admit my own blind prejudice. Magglio is my favorite player. I want him to retire a Tiger. Of course my reasoning will be colored (note I did not say polluted) by these facts. Therefore, I am not setting out to prove that Magglio is a better player than Dunn. However, I do want to look a little closer at the two to see just how outlandish my preference might be, or whether I can rationalize it with some (nifty massaging) of stats. These stats come to you via Baseball-Reference, a site at which I encourage you to sponsor your favorite Tiger. It helps support the outstanding work at Baseball Reference, and you get the opportunity to place a message on your player's page. Old English D is the proud sponsor of Larry Herndon's player page on Baseball Reference. But I digress. Let's get back to the rigged Ordóñez/Dunn showdown, shall we?

Batting

Because Ordóñez' season was cut (tragically) short, and because I don't want to project his numbers (because then folks will cry foul--I mean, I may be biased, but I'm trying to maintain a mere semblance of credibility), I am using stats from Magglio's 2007 - 2009 seasons, while Dunn's offensive numbers are from 2008-2010.

Dunn

Year AVG/OBP/OPS/RBI/HR/K/GDP

2008 .236/.386/.898/100/40/164/7

2009 .267/.398/.928/105/38/177/8

2010 .260/.356/.892/103/38/199/10

Ordóñez

Year AVG/OBP/OPS/RBI/HR/K/GDP

2007 .363/.434/1.029/139/28/79/20

2008 .317/.376/.869/103/21/76/27

2009 .310/.376/.804/50/9/65/19

In looking at these lines, I really don't see that I am totally certifiable in my preference. Yes, Dunn has more home run power, but his OPS isn't blowing Magglio out of the water. He strikes out WAY more, but doesn't GDP nearly as often. Yes, I realize Magglio's power numbers are probably only going to decline as we get into the autumn of his career. However, to bring up the forbidden projections, he was on pace to hit over 20 home runs in 2010, and his slugging percentage was .474, with an OPS of .872. I'm using statistics that favor my position. At least give me credit for admitting my slant, and not feigning impartiality. Thank you.

Fielding

I'm not going to look at Dunn's work at first base for the Nats in 2010, because we all know he won't see much time at first if he's wearing the Old English D. In 2008 and 2009, playing left or right field, here are Dunn's Total Zone Total Fielding Runs Above (below) Average (RTot) numbers

2008 CIN LF -9 (110 games)

2008 ARI RF -6 (23 games)

2008 ARI LF 4 (9 games)

2009 WASH LF -14 (62 games)

2009 WASH RF -13 (22 games)

Now for Magglio's RTot numbers for the same time period:

2008 DET RF -8 (135 games)

2009 DET RF -9 (104 games)

In a July 2009 piece for Sports Illustrated, Cliff Corcoran stated that you could do no worse in left field than Adam Dunn. Ha. I know he'd likely be a full-time DH here in the D, but so what? I'm making my point here. You may recall my earlier caveat. I do not abide by strict rules of rationality and fairness.

So here you have it--a clearly partisan look at Adam Dunn and Magglio Ordóñez. Mi Magglio comes out on top. The best part of my system is that it cannot be refuted! How do you combat faulty logic and homerism? YOU CAN'T! Take that, Rogo. My point has been proven.

Enjoy the Lincecum/Halladay duel this evening, kids.

Please Recommend a Barbaric Form of Torture for this Hack

2010-10-08T16:58:00.006-04:00

I'm in a bad mood. You know what I feel like doing? Tearing apart some idiot's pathetic writing. You know who that idiot is? Yours truly.

Sometimes it's painful to look back at a poorly written piece. Sure I could just delete it off the site, but let's have a little fun with it instead.

I penned a little ode to Phil Coke a while back. Listen to this swill, if you've got a strong stomach:

"He's a gamer. *snip* He always wants the ball."

Are you serious? Could you be more hackneyed? Let's try to run up a few more stereotypes, shall we? Of course he wants the ball, he's a pitcher, you half wit. A "gamer?" Come on. That term should long have been banished from the book of baseball jargon.

Here's some more unfiltered sewage to flood your basement and pollute your home with fumes so raw a maggot-riddled corpse would rise up and run away screaming:

"He shoulders blame like a regular pack mule. Personal responsibility is like Phil Coke's credo or something. He doesn't look outside himself. It HURTS when he gets hit around. He's not just out there to collect that paycheck."

Pack mule? Not out there to collect that paycheck? I just made myself gag. Is that possible?

I would like to issue a personal mea culpa to the reader, and it won't be some half-baked line of "non-apology" apology drivel either. I would like to shoulder the responsibility like a pack mule. This stuff is just pure garbage. I will be vigilant against it in the future.

Do You Like Stale Bread?

2010-09-21T20:24:00.002-04:00

I don't, but I'm about to force feed you some. Actually, you can stop reading this and google Lindsey Lohan's latest substance abuse saga at any time, so I guess I'm not really shoving anything down your gullet. You're here by choice. Shocking!

Last night, little Flea hit his first major league home run. It didn't have the immediate impact it should have, because it wasn't ruled a home run at first. Rhymes had to languish at third while the umpiring crew reviewed the play. When the crew chief came out and gave the signal, Rhymes flashed a grin expressive of pure delight. He got a nice high five from Damon who was on deck, but as he walked into the dugout, he was given the traditional silent treatment. He trudged sheepishly for a few steps before his teammates fairly erupted into an exuberant dogpile. I mean, their eyes lit up like they had just smacked THEIR first home runs, and they jumped and slapped Rhymes until he probably felt a little beat up (but in a good way, you know). I laughed so hard at the adorable-ness of all this, that tears spilled out of my eyes.

Not to be outdone, Alex Avila went after a pop foul that threatened to go into the Royals dugout. He reached out over the dugout fence, and was upended, going head first straight down. None other than Ned Yost himself caught Avila to prevent him from splatting his gray matter all over the concrete. I mean, who does this? Avila very well could have dropped the ball if he had fallen, so Yost may have contributed to the out. The whole thing just smeared chivalry and fatherly concern all over the place. It was priceless.

I can't tell you how much it means to get enjoyment like that out of a (meaningless) baseball game. It can be hard to finish out a season where you were in it for quite a while, and now you're just done. That stupid "E" stares you in the face whenever you look at the standings. It's sickening. But the little things from last night's game remind you why you watch. Something amazing can happen at any moment. I, for one, don't want to miss a single thing.

An Open Letter to Magglio Ordóñez

2010-09-19T15:13:00.005-04:00

Dear Magglio,

Things have been a little rough around here since your ankle was broken trying to slide into home plate. I know you haven't been around to see it, but it's been painful. As painful as your broken ankle? Hmm. I've never broken a bone, but let's put it this way. I have considered ingesting strychnine on multiple occasions.

We've been pining for you in many ways. I've missed sitting behind you in right field and seeing you turn around and interact with the fans. Not too many players do that. Most of them try to pretend no one is sitting behind them. Your bat...the lineup hasn't been the same without it. You were on pace for a stellar season. I promise, I'm not trying to torture you here, but poor Miggy has been walked intentionally 30 times this season. That's more than twice as many as the next highest AL player--Joe Mauer with 14. You provided some protection for Miguel, and now that you've been gone, we've seen managers walk him to load the bases more than a few times. Sadly, this strategy has often been effective. Like I said...excruciating.

I know it has probably been just as agonizing for you to sit at home knowing our season may have gone very differently if you hadn't gone down. I will not try to ignore the fact that you were on pace for your option to vest. I would have been thrilled to have you as a Tiger for one season more. In fact, I would like for you to retire as a Tiger, so that you could be one of ours for all time. Sappy, I know. I'm not overly prone to such outbursts, but if you decided to kick Scott Boras in the chiclets and stay here, I would write your name all over my notebook and draw a myriad of little hearts around it. Wait, I'm not in middle school anymore. Oh well. I'd find a suitable gesture, I assure you.

Remember, we embraced you here in Detroit. We weren't stingy and stupid like the White Sox, who declined to offer you a contract after you had knee surgery. I know that broke your heart, and it shows what kind of person you are. You are a throwback to the era when a player would play his entire career with one team, doing commercials for local car dealerships and earning a key to the city. I thank the Sox for making such a colossal blunder, because I got to watch you swat us into the World Series, win a batting title, make a great sliding catch to save a no-hitter, and hit two home runs in one inning (which hadn't been done in a Tigers uni since Al Kaline did it). Add to that countless other everyday baseball moments.

What I'm trying to say is won't you please consider Detroit for the twilight of your career? It would make one spectacular sunset.

If You Didn't Love Phil Coke Already, You Will Now

2010-09-13T16:23:00.004-04:00

Phil Coke has already endeared himself to most Detroit fans. If, however, you are someone who has not yet fallen for the adorable, gregarious hurler, I have evidence that will have you head over heels.

Coke was not supposed to pitch in yesterday's finale against the O's. He had been drilled by a ball on Friday. Leyland's plan was to rest him. However, Coke told the skip he was ready to go if needed for Sunday. That should get you started down a path of Coke adoration right there. He's a gamer. Listen to this quote. "I always want the ball," Coke said. "I don't care if I'm missing a limb, I want the ball. If I'm able to go out there and throw the ball over the plate and get the job done, then that's what I'm here for. That's my job. I want to be effective and able to do my job. Luckily, I was given the opportunity." He always wants the ball. Even if a limb has inexplicably gone missing, he wants the ball. Enough said. It reminds me of my son. He ALWAYS wants the ball, too. In his league, pitchers were limited to six innings per week to protect young arms. One game, my son had already pitched three innings. Coach was going to put another pitcher in to start the next inning. My son stubbornly walked to the mound anyway, hoping he'd persuade his coach to let him pitch at least one inning more. I laughed, but I guess that's a good quality for a pitcher.

When Coke got the final out in the 9th inning on Sunday, the emotion was palpable. Check out the description by MLB.com's Alex DeFillipo. "And as soon as home-plate umpire Derryl Cousins rang up Pie, Coke howled out a scream that seemed so loud it could be heard in Michigan's Upper Peninsula.

"I was really fired up," Coke said. "I was really, really fired up, especially after stinking the other night. I got hit, it hurt and I was upset." Coke takes every mistake to heart. I mean, really, really to heart. He shoulders blame like a regular pack mule. Personal responsibility is like Phil Coke's credo or something. He doesn't look outside himself. It HURTS when he gets hit around. He's not just out there to collect that paycheck. It's impossible not to love that.

On top of it all, Coke is just a fun, entertaining individual. I sat a few rows behind the bullpen one night, and Coke was out there interacting and laughing it up with fans, talking to the bullpen police officer, just acting like a regular guy. A friend of mine worked a baseball camp at which Brennan Boesch and Phil Coke appeared. She said that Boesch was friendly, but very reserved, but that Coke was funny, engaging and talkative. No surprise there. Coke exudes approachability.

If none of this has caught your heart, just watch Coke sprint, I mean shoot like a cannon, out of the bullpen his next outing. It's absolutely impossible not to smile at the sight of it.

The CoPa Still Beckons

2010-09-09T09:18:00.004-04:00

The Tigers are not mathematically eliminated from the 2010 playoffs. Ha. We all know it's over.

You know what, though? I still love going to ballgames. I can't help it. Is there a better sensory experience than walking in to the park, seeing the green expanse of grass and players warming up, smelling roasted peanuts and spun cotton candy, and hearing the public address announcer telling you that Comerica Park is a family environment and profanity is strictly forbidden? I don't think so.

So, I had to heed the call yesterday. Luckily, a friend of mine is very like-minded. When I texted her about going to the game, her simple reply was "of course." Like, there is no question of being tired or having obligations. Of course she wanted to spend 2 hours and four minutes with our boys of summer. Of course she wanted to take a sharpened pencil to her scorecard.

My friend wore her Jeremy Bonderman jersey last night. Thank her for that outstanding performance. Eight strong, three hits, one run, one walk? Just wow.

John Danks was the unhappy victim of a pair of errors by Mark Teahen. He was left out there to dry by Ozzie Guillen for six full innings, who apparently had no desire to burn through his pen. Only two of the five runs Danks was charged with were earned. Smart move by Guillen. Pena went the final two, and operation bullpen preservation succeeded.

Our murderer's row lineup really impressed. Wells had an RBI, and Inge and Avila each collected a pair. Everyone but Rhymes and Boesch had a hit.

Phil Coke. I haven't heard any updates lately on his dead arm/tired arm, but Leyland keeps running him out there, quite literally. It always makes me smile when Coke sprints to the mound. I don't like to see Coke struggle, because the guy is a smidge hard on himself, you know? Like when he blamed Joel Zumaya's broken elbow on his own ineffectiveness that game. So, it made me happy to see him allow no runs on one hit last night.

Anyway, do not ignore the call from your ballpark. She wants to entertain you. She does not disappoint. She will soon be shuttered. Go. While you still can.

Things That Cannot Be Explained

2010-09-03T13:14:00.004-04:00

I mentioned in a previous post that I have hardened my heart against the Tigers for the remainder of this season. It was a purely preservationist measure, as I could not endure any further breakage of that organ.

When we were down 6-3 last night, I decided to bail on the game and just pack it in for the night. It marked the first game this year that I just stopped watching. However, circumstances conspired to pull me back in. First, my husband called up the stairs to me that the game had been tied up. I groggily answered, "yeah, yeah." I did NOT plan to get out of bed to resume watching this thing. Then, a spider bit me. I am not joking! I had a red welt on my back that was smarting like nobody's business. Once I was out of bed to tend to this wound (the audacity of that spider!), I had to start watching again. Have I mentioned that I am very stupid?

Well, you know the crazed adventure I was in for. Countless botched double play balls on both sides, two starting pitchers burned by the Twinks in extras (hoooooooray!), and a home run by GERALD LAIRD capped a Tigers victory. Papa Grande went three innings, blew the save (not really his fault), but got the win. Stranger things have happened, I suppose.

Very, very odd. I could not celebrate this "too little, too late" win, but I managed a half-smile over the fact that the Twins rotation had suffered quite a blow. That's the impact we can look to have on the playoffs at this point--spoilers. Ah well.

See how I am all resigned now? I have finally given up, given in, given out for the 2010 season. It was freeing. If, by some amazing chance, you have not yet done so, I advise that you undertake letting go immediately. You'll thank me.

Is This What Gall Tastes Like?

2010-09-02T17:41:00.005-04:00

TBS has released its MLB playoffs commercial. It features our own Kid Rock singing "Born Free."

Watch it here.

If seeing that doesn't shatter your little Tigers-loving heart into a million pieces, I'm not sure what will. Is it wrong that Kid Rock is singing a song about the MLB playoffs and the Tigers won't be in it? Yes. It is. So very wrong.

I don't know about you, but watching that promo made me feel as if a giant, muscled fist was squeezing the crap out of my heart and wringing it dry. We won't be partaking in the joy of the playoff chase. No.

We won't taste the fruits of the post-season. No.

We won't have any heady, spine-tingling performances from the likes of Kenny Rogers this year. No.

We won't watch Magglio Ordóñez swat any game-winning, series-winning, World Series-sending, majestic home runs this year. No.

Not us. We'll be the ones Tommy Lasorda is trying to coax from our pouty hiding spots in the cupboards to come and watch the playoffs. Good luck dragging me out.

Harden My Heart

2010-09-01T23:19:00.003-04:00

..."In my wildest dreams

I never thought I'd go

But its time to let you know
I'm gonna harden my heart
I'm gonna swallow my tears
I'm gonna turn and leave you here."

I've been in the abusive relationship long enough. I'm going to a shelter. Someplace you can't come and find me and try to get me to come back. Leaving tonight.

Diea afejiow fawh aiowe eizico

2010-09-01T08:07:00.003-04:00

Fioeag ahoghe ife aeoi fhawf ao oowei h foa aoei fhoiaeh foaie oa hzxieyf neiaoz ue zhodoiuha.

That's all I got. I don't know if I can watch tonight's game. In too much pain. I want to let go. Can't do it. Need help.

Sunday Stupidity

2010-08-29T14:14:00.016-04:00

Early in the game, Mario informed us that Toronto starting pitcher Marc Rzepczynski's nickname is Scrabble because of the high score his last name would earn in that game. Rod responds that he "likes the game. It's a good family game." I would be willing to bet my devalued house that Rod has never played a game of Scrabble in his life. I found it funny, though, because Scrabble is my most favorite of all games.

In the fourth, Inge had to make an off-balance throw to first to get John McDonald. Mario says that Brandon Inge "does not play around." Oh, because most third basemen do? They kind of just lazily go after balls hit their way and lob the ball over to first? Sigh.

None other than Jose Bautista broke up Porcello's no-hitter in the fourth. I'm pretty sure he's on steroids or HGH. Sorry. Just kidding. I'm not bitter. Actually, I blame Rogo of DesigNate Robertson. He always jinxes no-hitters. Ask him about how he messed up Jujstin Verlander earlier this year, Max Scherzer's no-hitter against Tampa Bay, and Armando Galarraga's August 20th effort.

It's been fun watching the shirt of home place umpire Brian O'Nora become increasingly drenched with sweat. It started out as a small circle on his abdomen, and is now just about soaked. Gross. Go change in between innings, could ya? It's kind of distracting me. Ugh, now the entire front of O'Nora's pants are wet too. HD is not always our friend.

John McDonald hit a home run down the left field line in the bottom of the sixth inning. Rod and Mario immediately express their incredulity. Rod especially, was like "not Johnny Mac!" Mario added, "You don't expect HIM to take you deep," Poor John, his power was dissed repeatedly by our broadcasting duo.

In the top of the seventh, Miguel Cabrera stole second base. I was laughing out loud with joy. So endearing. As if everything he does isn't already. We heart you. Inge followed with a two run homer, so you know what that means. Player of the game. Poor Raburn, he has no shot, even though he has gone deep TWICE in this game.

The boo birds (bad pun intended) came out for Jesse Carlson as he surrendered four hits and three runs in the seventh. I always hate when the camera zooms in on a guy's face as he's getting booed. You can almost always see a certain look in the poor guy's eyes. It makes me feel bad.

Porcello goes seven strong, and looked just outstanding. So happy. So happy. Phil Coke comes on for the eighth. I am mystified. Coke is battling tired arm or dead arm. And WHYYYY do we keep running him out there mercilessly, as if there is just noone else? Especially in a blowout like this, there is no good reason for Coke to be pitching. I don't care if Leyland wants to get the bad taste of Friday night's walkoff loss in extras out of his mouth. He should be resting.

Rod and Mario begin talking about some upcoming off day that will occur in Chicago. Rod keeps talking about "bellying up" somewhere to people watch, or watch the MSU game. Not sure what he thinks he means by that, but it sounds completely ridiculous.

Apparently Valverde is still struggling a bit, but at least we had enough of a cushion on this one. Sigh.

No Hero

2010-08-28T06:57:00.003-04:00

I wasn’t a big fan of the Johnny Damon signing. The best thing I could say about it at the time was that it was a one-year deal, not two. Damon has turned out pretty well for us, I guess. I’m not overly gaga, but satisfied. Now, he has been virtually deified by choosing to remain in Detroit over going back to Boston to relive his “Idiot” days.

Excuse me if I don’t hand the guy a medal. He didn’t want to be the constant subject of ire among Boston fans who still remember his turncoat ways. Sure, he probably likes playing in Detroit, with our softie fans and media. It’s a pretty nice gig. The CoPa is usually a full house, and you’re not going to get skinned alive by the beat writers every day. Suddenly, Johnny has realized that Detroit is a lot more cosmopolitan than he thought. Somerset Mall is so enchanting. In reality, Boston doesn’t have much more of a shot than we do at the playoffs, so what’s the point of switching teams with a month left in the season? It’s too much upheaval.

Also, Damon probably knows that Mr. I has pretty deep pockets, and isn’t afraid to reach into the coffers for a valued player. He knows he has a decent shot at getting a nice payday for next season from Detroit. It’s a win-win-win-win for him. He gets paid, likes his teammates and coaching staff, enjoys easy treatment from fans and media, and has the added bonus of becoming a candidate for sainthood for “sticking up for downtrodden Detroit.” Please.

Adding fuel to my fire, FSN showed the following stat during last night's game, in which the team went 1-16 with RISP. This season, Johnny Damon was hitting .200 with RISP. Then he came up with the bases loaded and two outs in the tenth inning. He flied out to the right fielder.

The guy is milking this whole thing for all its worth. Don’t expect to find any two-percent here, Johnny.

This is What You Get

2010-08-26T20:38:00.010-04:00

Well, I got shafted by a friend with whom I was going to watch tonight's game, so guess what? You will now be subjected to my lame commentary about game 128 versus the Toronto Blue Jays at the Rogers Centre. If you're really bored, feel free to read on. You may want to reconsider and enjoy some of this beautiful weather we're having, however.

In the middle of the second inning, Rod says something to the effect that Max Scherzer is filthy tonight, and clearly has his best stuff. Um, how many times have we seen a guy look good through three or four only to get tagged shortly thereafter. Let us attempt to withhold judgment of a pitcher's performance until the sixth inning, shall we?

Ryan Raburn throws out Edwin Encarnacion at second as he tries to stretch a single to a double. I must offer a personal apology to Ryan, because earlier this year, I was grousing about his defense, recommending that he take extra fielding practice. He must have done so, because he is much, much improved. Several nice plays of late spring to mind. Mr Raburn is simply scorching right now, between the ramped up defense and his fiery bat. I see you, Ryan!

Jhonny Peralta hits a three run shot to left in the fourth of Romero. Wow, I guess apologies must be passed out all 'round tonight. My comments upon the Tigers acquiring Peralta: "You know a players stinks when a team will deal him within the division." Again, so sorry.

Casper Wells had 21 home runs in Toledo this year. Now he gets a chance to prove he can do it in the Show. Who's left in Toledo at this point?? Leyland said as much when referring to September callups. There won't be many. Between injuries and callups at this level, and some injuries to players already in AAA, we're more than depleted, we're gutted.

Oh for the love of pine tar--Gerald Laird racks up two RBI in one swing to make it 6-0 in the fourth! I am agape and amused. So is he, as he exhibits a rueful smile upon approaching the dugout. Kind of a mixture of "I know, I can't believe it either" and "finally, I've made an offensive contribution."

I know this is not from tonight's telecast, but poor Rod has made some, um, interesting comments lately. The other night vs. KC, Willie Bloomquist got handcuffed by a screamer hit by Johnny Damon. Rod says that third basemen are not accustomed to the ball coming at them so hard. Huh? Isn't that why it's called the Hot Corner????

Miguel Cabera enters the batter's box with the bases loaded and nobody out in the 7th. I think I was holding my breath. Escobar snares a sharp, low line drive to rob Miggy of a hit and an RBI. Pure larceny.

Oh dear, Raburn whiffs. Two out, bases still juiced. If we strand all three right here, I cannot be responsible for what happens to my home. I could claim that it was burglarized. It will look that way when I'm through with it. Doesn't much matter anyway, I found out yesterday that the place is worth about as much as a bucket of batting practice baseballs.

Peralta saves the interior of my crib by working a bases loaded walk. Two apologies to the same player in one day? Unprecedented.

Scherzer makes little hearts appear in my pupils right now by coming out for the 7th. Our pen was just about spent after yesterday's extra innings affair with KC. Hey, so he gives up a solo shot to Bautista. Who doesn't give up a home run to Bautista? You tell me that. He gets a free pass with me. See how the rest of the inning is uneventful? More hearts.

Scherzer, having thrown 102 pitches, comes to the mound for the 8th. Oh my. Now, I give Rod the green light to gush on at will. THIS is the time to do it. Scherzer ends the inning by making Fred Lewis hack helplessly for strike three. Eight innings! One run! I feel a little giddy.

Cabrera shoots the gap for a double to lead off the 9th. I'm pretty drunk with baseball happiness at this point.

Eddie Bonine gets two quicks outs and then goes 2-0 to Vernon Wells. He pauses, looks around like he's a lost six year old in a department store and then gives up a double. Sigh. It's ok. Wells is promptly stranded at second to put this one in the W column. Enjoy the afterglow.

Beethoven's Symphony No. 3, Second Movement

2010-08-24T21:22:00.010-04:00

Top story tonight--Rick Porcello's strong outing? No. Brandon Inge's 1000th major league hit? Hardly. Johnny Damon's benevolent choosing of Detroit over Boston? NEGATIVE. The hit parade put on by our Bengals? Nope. Mi Magglio will undergo season ending surgery tomorrow. Warm up the pipe organ for the of darkest of dirges. Break out the mourning clothes. Forge an anti-depressant prescription for me, would you?

People have been opining that the loyal Mike Ilitch may pick up Magglio's $15 million option for next year. I believe this to be highly unlikely. I do think the Tigers may try to negotiate a more reasonable salary with Magglio, but his agent is Scott Boras, savvy? Rest assured, the market will be tested. I know for a fact that Magglio likes it here in Detroit. He's made plenty of coin, so he may be inclined in his heart to give Detroit the hometown discount to stay around and retire in a blaze of glory someday, enshrined in all proper majesty at the CoPa (and in our hearts). However, Scott Boras will do his best to ruin all that and send Magglio off to the club with the deepest pockets. Have I mentioned that my loathing of Boras knows no limits, but extends off into infinity, beyond the reaches of human comprehension?

I hope that Magglio comes to the park for fan appreciation weekend, so that fans can shower him with love and gratitude. He was a big part of bringing baseball back to Detroit. I have so many happy baseball memories involving him. When he was dueling Ichiro for the batting title in 2007, and it was coming down to the final weekend in Chicago, I hatched half a dozen schemes of driving to the Cell to see it happen in person. Things didn't work out, but I reveled in hearing the Venezuelan announcers call each of his at bats (FSN cut over to them each time Magglio came to the plate).

I have a terrible confession to make. I had my chance to thank Magglio in person last year at no other place than US Cellular Field. I was there in late September for the Sox/Tigers tilt (remember those days, when we thought we would make the playoffs?? Sorry.) Anyway, we arrived at the park before the gates even opened, and I walked down to the wall during warmups. Magglio was walking straight toward me. I arrived at the wall, and a guy was getting an autograph. He finished, and here was my shot to gush about how much I've enjoyed watching him play, how he was MY Tiger, blah, blah, blah. Well, I stood mute staring like an idiot. Then, in slow motion, I began to reach for my camera to ask for a photo. Meanwhile, he moved down the wall toward other Tigers fans, leaving me behind in a sea of regret. Huge footprints were visible on my posterior (where I had kicked myself repeatedly for being such a first class moron). Don't let something like this happen to you. I'm content to be a cautionary tale, if I can prevent this disaster from affecting others.

Anyway, I would like to thank Magglio myself here and now, even though I know he will never read it. I would like to tell him that his baseball skills have brought smiles and joyful laughter to my face innumerable times. I must express that being at the park when he hit two home runs in one inning is a memory that I swell with pride to recount (even though I missed the second home run because my son wanted to ride the ferris wheel). I have to say that seeing Magglio Ordóñez play in the Old English D has been one of the greatest of pleasures of my baseball-watching life.

I'm sorry if I've overdosed you with high fructose corn syrup, but it just can't be helped where Magglio's concerned.

Dog Days

2010-08-22T23:19:00.004-04:00

Well, we completed a sweep of the Cleveland Indians today. Excuse me if I don't do any cartwheels. You see, the Twinks continue to win at a seemingly unsustainable pace, which they somehow manage to sustain. Go take a flying flip off the top of the Metrodome, would you, Ron Gardenhire? Sorry. I really respect Gardy. I just want him to stop sticking it to us, you know?

Justin Verlander rebounded nicely from a crap-tastic outing against the Yankees (which I mercifully missed). Once again, however, we must temper any good feelings with the reminder that this was the Cleveland Indians. Actually, I didn't really have any good feelings to temper after today's win. I feel so underwhelmed.

Maybe part of my malaise is related to the doom and gloom news that Magglio may not return at all this season, and may have played his last game as a Tiger. NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. I cannot handle that. I want Mi Magglio to stay here. Retire here. Be enshrined here for eternity. Sigh.

Kansas City tomorrow. I will be attending the festivities. Whoop-de-do. Bondo, do me a favor and hold the head case antics for one game, okay? Bruce Chen, do me a favor and give up a boatload of runs, okay? Umpires, do me a favor and don't screw us over tomorrow, okay? Jim Leyland, do me a favor and run out a lineup that doesn't feature Gerald Laird hitting second, okay?

Maybe I'll try to muster up some rah rah for tomorrow's game. Meanwhile...meh.

Chicks Dig the Long Ball

2010-08-16T21:24:00.006-04:00

Seeing Curtis Granderson play against the Tigers in pinstripes--not a pretty sight, but a sight made more tolerable by young Austin Jackson's performance this year in the Old English D. It has been reported that Curtis has not yet been the target of Yankee fans' ire, despite a rather disappointing season. I'm glad, because little CJ does not deserve boos. He just doesn't. Unless he beats us, then Tiger fans will be showing him with boos.

Ryan Perry is our reliever with the best strand rated for inherited runners. He does this job again beautifully tonight in the 8th. So lovely. He needed a little help from Papa Grande to finish the eighth, but I'm happy.

During Valverde's phantasmagorical loss of control during the ninth, I found myself sitting in front of the TV blinking--like if I blinked enough, I might miss the horrors playing out in front of my eyes. Sadly, the blinking did very little. Let's see, he's walked a run in, buzzed Jeter, BUT GETS HIM TO HIT INTO THE DOUBLE PLAY TO END THIS THING!

Here's the bad news. Coke will not be available tomorrow, Perry will not be available tomorrow. Valverde? He's coming off an abdominal strain, and threw like a wild man tonight--38 pitches, only 16 of them strikes. Oh, how jocular. Verlander better be thinking complete game vs. CC Sabathia.

All of our runs tonight came via the home run. Ryan Raburn continues to prove us wrong, and raked a two run shot in the second. Miguel Cabrera flicked one off his shoetops (and off the end of his bat) to give us three. Miguel, you are the MVP.

I will be sojourning in the wilderness for the next five days, so have fun kids! I may tune in to parts of games via a hand crank radio. Seriously.

Wrapped Up in a Bow

2010-08-11T22:08:00.003-04:00

I've got to revel in the little things here. As a special little birthday gift to me, the Tigers managed to put one in the W column today. I realize it's one win. I realize we may not get another one for a week or more. But, it's better than a loss on day of my birth, you know? I accept this little offering. It's a nice gesture. Ryan Raburn parked one in the bullpen just for me today. What? You don't think so? Really? Huh. Well, that's my story and I'm sticking to it.

Justin Verlander once again piled up the pitches to the tune of 119 pitches over six innings. Sigh. But he kept runs off the board. He knew he couldn't give away a whole truckload of runs, because our offense is, um, impotent. Then I had to sternly warn Ryan Perry to do his job when he walked two. He listened to me. Again you doubt? Get over it.

Jose Valverde continues to be inconsistent when he has to pitch more than one inning. I wish we had some other trustworthy arm, but Leyland is severely limited in his choices. He doesn't trust, and I don't blame him. A lot of guys have proven themselves to be gas cans, incapable of stranding inherited runners. I'm going to stop now so I don't ruin the good vibes from our little victor's party.

I strongly advise you to relish this moment as long as possible. Another opportunity may not be right around the corner.